Behind the Terror: REWRITTEN!
by Chosen One1
Summary: We're BAAACCCK! Me and my friends start our own TV series and everything goes insane! Not for people with steel funnybones!
1. Kazaa Sucks!

Disclaimer: IIIIIIIII'MMMMMM BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCK! You couldn't keep me down! Since fanfiction.net took this story off, I've officially hated them, but now I've rewritten it so there shouldn't be any problems. The only difference is that this story is now told in actual story format, and will now have a small plot running in the background. It also begins by explain how some teenagers came to own a studio.

And just a note, some of the characters in this story are based off real people. Like the main character, Carolyn, looks exactly like me and has my name. Katie, Caitlin, Lauren and Tom are also real people. But people like Cronos, Sam, Alex, and Dr. Sloth, are fictional characters. This story was killed by the ff.net staff before it had a chance to get REALLY funny, so I hope this one will get the chance the first one never had.

Thank you.

-Carolyn

_"Twenty, Twenty, Twenty-four hours to go, I wanna be sedated!" _The headphones screamed into Carolyn's throbbing eardrums. _"Nothing to do, nowhere to go, I wanna be sedated!"_

"Why would he want to be sedated just because he's bored?" Carolyn thought frowning. Her head began to ache badly as it always did when she encountered a difficult thought. She turned her walkman off, pulled off her headphones, opened the CD compartment, and flung the offending CD into the fireplace like a Frisbee. She hated songs that confused her. She almost threw her CD player too, but decided against it.

"I better not." She sighed dropping it on the floor. "That piece of crap WAS expensive."

Carolyn was a pretty 14-year-old girl with short blond hair and eyes that were such a pale shade of blue they were almost gray. She was wearing a light blue t-shirt with baggy blue jeans. Over the t-shirt, she wore a cloak that was a slightly darker shade of blue. It had been woven into the pattern of vertical lines, and it hung down to her knees. The front was open and it was tied in front of her chest, showing off the t-shirt and jeans underneath. She also wore white sneakers. Her skin was a fair shade of white.

She lay sprawled out on the overstuffed couch of her living room. She picked up the remote control, which was lying on the floor underneath a month-old pile of uneaten potato chips, and flipped on the TV. Some moron was yakking on and on about a miracle pancake-maker. She changed the channel in disgust.

"Recent studies have shown-"

CLICK! She changed the channel again.

"Some doctors believe-"

CLICK!  
  
 "I…ate…a…Twinkie."

  
CLICK!  
  
 "THE END OF THE WORLD HAS COME!"  
  
BORING! CLICK!

"I HATE MY JOB!"  
  


CLICK!

"MAN!" Carolyn yelled at the TV. "WHY IS THERE NOTHING GOOD ON?!" She pointed the remote at the TV again, but she didn't press any buttons. "THE NEXT CHANNEL HAD BETTER HAVE SOMETHING GOOD! OR DESTINY-ALTERING! I COMMAND YOU!" She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed two random buttons. When she opened her eyes, she saw she'd pressed the buttons 1 and 3.

"This does not bode well." She sighed.

Suddenly a hole appeared in the space-time-continuum. Carolyn didn't know it yet, but this turn of events would throw her, and everyone she didn't entirely hate, into a world of darkness and unmatched stupidity from which there is no escape.

There was a reporter on Channel 13 yapping about something. Behind her, paramedics were loading TONS of body bags into a truck.

"…So it seems that the owner of Channel 13, Mr. Calvin Rockhead, has murdered his entire staff, and all the stars and crew of every show that's ever appeared on the channel. He even went so far as to kill all the rats and cockroaches in the building. And to make the murders even stranger, each victim was found _with his or her imagination sucked dry!"_

(That was an important plot point!)

The reporter continued talking. "After killing his employees, Mr. Rockhead has mysteriously vanished. Since everyone who used to work for the network is dead, the channel is up for sale. The bidding starts at $13,000,000."

"$13,000,000?" Carolyn laughed. "That's chicken feed!" She smiled as she thought about the massive sum of money in her increasingly growing overseas bank account. She'd gotten all that money after a few scams she'd pulled had gone horribly right. The incident had earned her the nickname 'Mistress of the Con'.

Suddenly the door flew open and one of Carolyn's best friends, named Katie, burst in causing Carolyn to jumped a foot off the couch in surprise.

Katie was also a pretty 14-year-old girl. (She was 2 days older than Carolyn). She had reddish-brown hair that hung halfway down her back. She had brown eyes and was wearing a black t-shirt that said: 'I'm with stupid' in red letters with an arrow pointing to the right. Under the shirt, she wore black fishnets that went up and down both her arms. She had pale white skin, from a serious lack of sunlight, and was slightly shorter than Carolyn.

But even though the two girls had similar interests, their intelligence levels were MUCH different. Carolyn was above average when it came to intelligence. (She once conned Bill Gates). But Katie was a totally different matter. Last summer (under the legally-binding contract of a triple-dog-dare), she'd snorted an entire jumbo pixie stick. The extreme sugar-rush flooding her brain, had killed the calm, normal, reasonable Katie, and ushered in a new, insane, hyper, randomness, moronic Katie, with the capacities of a good-natured 7-year-old and some canine tendencies.

"EVER HEAR OF KNOCKING, YA DUMBASS?!" Carolyn swore, as she often did when someone scared her.

"DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?!" Katie wailed. "CHANNEL 13 IS FOR SALE!"  
  
 "So I've heard." Carolyn said in her normally calm demeanor. She flipped off the TV.

"BUT THIS MEANS THAT ALL MY FAVORITE SHOW WILL BE CANCELED!" Katie continued to bawl, "THERE'S P.R, LAW AND BORDER, THE DAILY CLUELESS, AND AMAZING HAPPY FUN-TIME HOUR!"

"Those shows sucked." Carolyn said rolling her eyes. "I never watched that channel anyway. Shows like that rot your brain…or whatever's left in your head."

"My head is full of dust bunnies." Katie hummed, suddenly cheerful. "Fuzzy little bunnies…"

"That's exactly my point." Carolyn sighed. "So what do you want me to do about Channel Craptacular?"

Katie smiled broadly. "You know all that money you have stashed in that overseas bank account?"  
  
 "What about it?"

"YOU COULD BUY THE CHANNEL, CREATE A TV SHOW, AND WE COULD PRODUCE IT!" Katie suddenly screamed going into 'depraved spaz mode'.

"You're joking right?" Carolyn laughed. "Why would I need to produce a television show? I've got everything I need. A PS2, a Gamecube, a username on Legendaryfrog.com, Internet access, a stash of anime DVDs, Kazaa, and a massive overseas bank account that gets bigger everyday. My Internet could be a lot faster (damn dial-up), and Kazaa gave my computer a virus the other day, but I'm happy just the way I am."

"Please?" Katie asked. Her eyes were slowly filling with tears.

"No." Carolyn retorted. Katie's eye narrowed.

"Alright." She growled. "I didn't want to have to use this method, but you leave me no choice."

Suddenly she dropped on her knees, folded her hands, and started sobbing. "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEASSSSSSEEEEE????!!!!"

"FINE!" Carolyn roared going into her 'crazed ballistic demonic mode'. She quickly regained herself and calmly said: "If we can find a group of people with as little common sense as you, far too much free-time, and little or no brains, to help us create this show…then yes. I will buy Channel 13."

"WE'RE GONNA BE TV STARS! WHEEEEEEEE!" Katie cheered running around the house at the speed of sound. As she finished her fifth lap across the living room, Carolyn sighed.

"I don't know how this will turn out, lets just wait and see." She thought silently as Katie ran into a wall.


	2. The Fellowship is Formed

Later...

"Alright." Carolyn said pacing back and forth in her dining room. "Now lets see… Who could I ask to be in a TV show with me and Katie?"

Suddenly the door opened and Cronos walked in. Cronos was an extremely good-looking 16-year-old boy. He was a little taller than Carolyn, and had decent sized muscles for someone his age. He didn't look super beefy, but he wasn't downright scrawny either. His skin was a lightly tanned color. His hair was short and black with red streaks coming down from the roots. (His hair had natural red streaks, go figure). His eyes were a scary red color, but he wasn't scary at all. (Unless you made him mad). He normally wore a black long-sleeve shirt with a single red stripe running down each arm with black pants, and white sneakers with a red lightning bolt on each side.

But now his hair was dripping wet, and he was dressed in a black and red bathrobe with black slippers (he bought 'em at Hot Topic, his favorite store). He looked extremely mad.

"Carolyn?" He snapped. "I found some of your hair in the shower!"  
  
 "Are you sure its mine?" She asked as she pulled a stomach muscle trying not to laugh.

"Well let's see…" Cronos said sarcastically, "Its short, it's blond, it tried to attack me. Yes, I'm sure its yours!"

Cronos lived in the same house as Carolyn. He wasn't related to her in any way, they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend either. They were two friends who occupied the same home. They were like the odd couple, they argued a lot. But otherwise things were okay. Although Carolyn always ordered Cronos around by giving him the puppy eyes. So she was really in charge of the house. (Don't ask where their parents are. Cronos is an orphan, and Carolyn's parents aren't in this story).

"Cronos? I need help with something." She said.

"If it's about that con you're planning to use on the CIA forget it! I'm in enough hot-water with them already!" Cronos snapped folding his arms. "Blow up a national monument, and you're paying for it the rest of your life!"

"No, this is about something else."  
  
 "Fine, let me get dressed first." He sighed. He turned and left the room. A few minutes later, he came out wearing his normal gothic-looking clothes. But even though he dressed like one, Cronos wasn't a Goth. Although I'd be lying if I said he didn't have his moments…

"Alright what's the problem?" Cronos asked. Carolyn sat down.  
  
 "Well, it all started when…"  
  


"You mind if I drink while you talk?" Cronos asked walking up to the fridge.

"Hmm? Oh, sure. Go right ahead."  
  
Cronos opened the refrigerator. It was stuffed full of a lot of stuff, mostly candy and soda. However, Cronos reached past the cans of Coke and flipped a hidden switch in the back of the fridge. The normal shelve of the fridge sank back into the wall. Then another shelf popped out of the floor in its place. It was Cronos's secret liquor cabinet.

Cronos's liquor supply was nothing any sane person would touch. If Cronos didn't get you, the jet-fuel-like spirits would. Then a group of teenagers who broke into the house one day (while Carolyn and Cronos were still home. The teens weren't very smart), had discovered the stash and then the mass brawling had begun. Cronos's psychic attacks sent a few people to the hospital, and others went blind from drinking raw alcohol. But other than that, no real harm done. Cronos had the amazing ability to hold his liquor. He could chug his entire stash of booze and not feel slightly tipsy, although he'd probably die from alcohol poisoning if he tried to do so.

(Don't ask why minors drink alcohol in this tale. IT'S JUST A STORY!)

Cronos grabbed a normal can of beer and cracked it open. He flipped the switch again, and the fridge returned to normal. He slammed it shut and sat down across from Carolyn.

"So what's on your mind?" Cronos asked taking a swig of beer.

Carolyn explained about Channel 13, her plans to buy it, and her need of morons to help produce the show.

"Well, I'm in." Cronos said smiling. "Someone will need to keep the morons under control."  
  
 "Aw Cronos," Carolyn said smiling, "That's no way to be talking about your fellow idiots."

"Oh cram it." Cronos snapped. "Why don't you call Caitlin and ask her and Alex to help out? I'm gonna go take a nap." With that, he got up and left.

"Caitlin? Of course! I'm such an idiot!" Carolyn cried. She ran to the phone and dialed Caitlin's number. Caitlin was another of Carolyn's close friends. Alex was Caitlin's boyfriend, and another friend of Carolyn's. He and Cronos never got along well however. When they first met him, Alex was a real ladies man and hit on Carolyn all the time. For some reason, Cronos always got pissed at him because of it. Since he started dating Caitlin, Alex had calmed down considerably but he still didn't hesitate to cop a feel when Cronos wasn't looking. Of course, he always wound up with a black eye from Carolyn's left hook afterwards.

Caitlin was a pretty 15-year-old girl with long bushy brown hair and gray eyes. Alex was a 15-year-old boy. He was very handsome. He had blond hair tied back in a small ponytail, and bright green eyes. Even if he WEREN'T such a player, it would've been hard to keep the girls away from him.

"Hello?" Caitlin said answering the phone.

Carolyn heard Alex's voice in the background. "If it's a girl named Tiffany, I'm not here!"

Carolyn quickly leapt into an explanation about the TV channel business. When she was finished, Caitlin sounded more excited than she ever had in her entire life.

  
 "ARE YOU KIDDING?? OF COURSE WE'LL HELP OUT!"  
  
 "What's Alex doing over there anyway?" Carolyn asked.

"We're watching 'The Return of the King'."  
  
 "I thought that was still in theaters."  
  
 "No, it…Wait a minute…So it is…huh…"

"Whatever."

"So…" Caitlin added hopefully. "Will this show have need of my musical talents?"

Carolyn sighed. Caitlin was a great singer, but unfortunately Carolyn hated musicals. Whenever Caitlin tried to sing around her, Carolyn always shut her up. "Um…no."

"DAMNIT!" Caitlin swore loudly. "Well…I guess we could still help out…"  
  
 "THANKIES!"

"Is that Carolyn?" Alex's voice asked. "Gimme the phone!"

Carolyn heard the sound of the phone exchanging hands. Then she heard Alex's smooth 'Mr. Cool Dude' voice that Cronos hated. "Hey Carolyn, what's up baby?"  
  
 "Not much…" She gulped miserably. She hated it when Alex acted like this. It made her feel so guilty.  
  
 "Is Cronos in the same room?"  
  
 "No…" Carolyn slapped her hand over her mouth realizing she'd just spoken the forbidden words. Alex was an okay guy. He tried not to be such a player, but old habits die hard.

"Sweet. I just wanted to say, that somebody better call heaven…"  
  
But before he could finish the pickup-line, Carolyn heard the sound of Caitlin striking the back of Alex's head with a heavy object.

"YOU CREEP!" Caitlin roared, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP HITTING ON MY FRIENDS!"  
  
 "DAMNIT WOMAN!" Alex shrieked, "DON'T BOTHER ME WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE!" Carolyn could practically hear Caitlin turning into her 'crazy demon form'.

"WHY YOU MOTHERFU-"

But before this story could contain serious profanity, Carolyn slammed the phone down on the receiver. Caitlin and Alex always fought like that whenever Alex hit on another girl (which was everyday). But Caitlin always won, and they always made up immediately afterwards.

No sooner had Carolyn hung up, when the phone suddenly rang.

"If Alex wants to try again…" Carolyn grumbled. She picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
  
 "Carolyn?" Katie's voice squealed from the other line, "Didja find anyone?"

"So far, I've got Cronos, Caitlin, and if he gets out of the hospital in time, Alex."

"Cool! We still need more people though!" Katie added.

"Did you get off your butt and find anyone?"  
  
 "I convinced Sam to join us!" Sam was Katie's boyfriend. He was a calm, good-natured boy, (unlike Cronos who's a real hard-ass). And he wasn't perverted either (like Alex, need we say more?). Sam was a good-looking 14-year-old boy with short spiky brown hair and brown eyes. Sam was also Cronos's best friend. Although Cronos pushed him around a bit, they were still good buddies.

"All my friends have boyfriends except for me…" Carolyn thought sadly.

Suddenly she heard Sam's voice through the phone saying: "OKAY KATIE! I'LL WORK ON THE STUPID SHOW! NOW LET ME OUT OF THIS HEADLOCK!"  
  


"NEVER!" Katie cried. Then she addressed Carolyn again. "I got Lauren to help out too. I promised her popcorn and fudge." Lauren was Katie's younger sister. "Why don't you ask Tom to help out? Then you can ask that dumbass mentor of yours."

"Good idea." Carolyn answered, "I'll call 'em up right now." Suddenly Katie hung up. "Doesn't anyone say goodbye anymore?" Carolyn sighed. She hung up and turned and yelled up the stairs. "YO TOM! WANNA BE ON MY TV SHOW?!"  
  
"SURE! NOW SHUT UP! ME AND CRONOS ARE WATCHING WRESTLING!"  
  


Carolyn heard Cronos screaming from upstairs. "GIVE HIM THE BODY SLAM YA PANSEY!"

  
Tom was Carolyn's younger brother. He had a craving for wrestling and junk food. Tom was about 10-years-old, with short brown hair and brown eyes. He got on Carolyn's nerves CONSTANTLY, but it was only her love for her sibling that kept her from going psycho and destroying him.

Carolyn then picked up the phone again and dialed her mentor, Dr. Sloth's, number. A few years back, Sloth had taught Carolyn the ways of combat and countless other survival skills. Carolyn had been a very reluctant student though. Sloth was the mastermind of an evil organization, he'd been hoping to train Carolyn to become the most powerful of his evil henchmen. Naturally, she declined.

"You gotta be kidding me." She had said. "The evil uniform clashes with the rest of my wardrobe."

After that, Carolyn had done a 360 on the path she was taking and she became a warrior for justice instead. After that incident Sloth tried not to speak to her, but he still considered her his pupil and tried to help her when she needed it. But instead of taking on more pupils, Sloth said he was afraid of getting another obnoxious student like Carolyn, he was now teaching 8-year-olds self-defense for the real world.

When Sloth picked up the phone he sounded annoyed. "This better be important Carolyn. I'm in the middle of an important lesson." Carolyn rolled her eyes and smiled. Sloth wasn't really such a bad guy. He'd gotten a bad rap from the whole 'evil' thing. But once you overlooked that, he was half-normal.

After she explained the situation, Sloth retorted: "Why don't you just get that drunk boyfriend of yours, what's his name...Cronos, to help out?"

Carolyn blushed angrily. On second thought, Sloth was a minor a-hole. "He is NOT my boyfriend wise-ass!"  
  
"Oh come on! You two live together for cripes sake! Who knows what you do behind everyone's back? ...Hang on for a minute, I gotta show the kids this technique." She then heard Sloth addressing the kids in the background saying: "Alright, now if your opponent holds out his arms like this, it means he's going to strangle you...or swipe your wallet. Now, before he gets a chance to do that, you have to drop down onto you knees, like this, and say 'PLEASE DON'T STRANGLE ME!!!'. Remember to fold you hands as you're begging, because if you forget to fold your hands, you're dead."

Sloth picked up the phone again. "Sorry 'bout that."  
  


"What are you teaching those kids??"  
  


"Carolyn, Carolyn, Carolyn. Your breed of fighter is dying out. If someone tried to mug you or Cronos on the street, you'd probably whip your sword out and cut his head off!"  
  


"You got me there…" She sighed.

"No one else would do that these days. You can thank the judicial system for that! So basically, I'm teaching these kids how to beg for their lives. Its better than getting a traitorous student like YOU were."  
  


"Cronos and me live together, because he has no family and nowhere else to go!" She snapped suddenly reverting back to the old topic.

"Yeah sure." Sloth laughed. "And I'm the pope in Rome. But if you really want, I'll be in this little TV show of yours. It'll be a nice break from my current occupation. I'll be right over." He hung up.

Carolyn hung up and sighed. Carolyn knew a lot of strange people, but Sloth was probably the least sensible adult she'd ever met. He took teenagers as students, tried to mutate the entire planet with a ray gun, and tried to corrupt a sacred relic. He was probably the only person on the planet who was rooting for a nuclear war. When Carolyn had been brave enough to ask him why on one occasion, he had said: 'The value of my comic-book collection would skyrocket!'. Carolyn didn't have the heart to tell him what million-degree temperatures do to newsprint.


	3. Lame Ideas

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored

Comments: HAH! YOU DON'T GET ANY!

A few hours later, Carolyn sat in her living room. Cronos was giving Sam a vigorous noogie. Alex had a black eye and his right arm was in a sling. His left cheek was swelling badly, but he was grinning and winking at Carolyn. She gagged. Alex only hit on her, to make Cronos angry. Though she didn't understand WHY it made him so upset…

Caitlin noticed Alex was up to his old tricks and elbowed him in the ribs. Lauren was sitting on the couch munching popcorn and fudge (FROM THE SAME BAG! COOL!). Tom was reading a wrestling magazine. Katie was running around in circles barking like a cocker spaniel. Sloth was sitting there staring at all of them in silent revulsion.

"YOU'RE NOOGING BONE!" Sam wailed to Cronos.

"Knock it off!" Carolyn snapped to her friends. "We need to decide what kind of TV show we're going to produce."

"How about something like 'Survivor'?" Tom asked lowering his magazine. "That was pretty popular."  
  
"Nah, it got boring after the first season." Carolyn said shaking her head. "We need something that people will never get tired of."

"How about a show like 'Jackass'?" Cronos asked releasing Sam and letting the boy drop to the floor. "Ever since it was canceled that kind of popularity has been up for grabs."  
  
"'Jackass' was canceled?" Katie wailed coming back to reality.

"Don't you remember?" Sam asked rubbing his sore scalp. "Johnny Knoxville quit after they asked him to do some stunt involving a Great White Shark. I forget what the stunt was exactly..."  
  
"You probably don't remember 'cause you were busy making out with Katie while it happened!" Alex laughed. Sam blushed furiously.

"Hey!" Cronos yelled, "You leave him alone perv-boy!" Cronos snarled jumping to his friend's defense.

"Oh shut it, half-breed!" Alex retorted. He called him half-breed because Cronos was half-human, half-fairy, but Cronos was stronger than both. (This explains Cronos's amazing powers and natural good-looks).

Cronos's eyes narrowed. He gritted his teeth like an infuriated animal. "You little-"

"CRONOS!" Carolyn shrieked. "HEEL!" Cronos whimpered and sat back down. Alex got on her nerves, but Carolyn didn't want Cronos fighting with him. Cronos had once sent Alex to the hospital, so she didn't want history to repeat itself.

"I don't know about 'Jackass'." Carolyn sighed. "Let's put that in the 'Maybe' pile."

"Well, how about a talk-show?" Sloth suggested. This suggestion was met with lots of curse words, and empty beer cans being chucked at his head.

"Guys?" Carolyn said suddenly. "I have an idea!"  
  
"Quick! Stomp on it before it gets away!" Lauren joked.

"Very funny. But seriously, what's the one thing everyone's watching today?"  
  
"Porn?" Everyone said at once.

"BESIDES THAT!"  
  
Everyone shrugged in unison.

"Reality shows!" Carolyn exclaimed. "Think about it! If we go on TV and act like our normal, moronic, insane, selves, the audience will eat it up!"  
  
"She's right!" Cronos cried standing up. "Psychotic, but absolutely right. If it worked for the Osbournes, then why can't it work for a bunch of insane teenagers?"

Sloth grinned. "You're only agreeing with her, because you've got a crush on her."

"NO I DON'T!" Cronos roared. His face was red with anger.

"Well, Katie's going to be second-in-command." Carolyn said pointing at Katie. "It's up her."

"I dunno." Katie hummed. "What do you think, Hobo Jim?" She asked a random Hobo (who was a friend of Katie's) who had appeared out of nowhere. He was holding a bottle of liquor in a brown paper bag.

"WHOA!" He cried waving his arms. "A TALKING KID! DON'T (hic) EAT MY BRAIN!"

"Well that settles it!" Carolyn said grinning. "Come on guys! Let's go buy us a TV station!"


	4. Carl the Antagonist

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored

Comments: Doing nuttin'…just sittin' here bored outta my mind. Working on updating my fics today. It boring. Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Later, outside Channel 13's main office...

Carolyn stood outside about to go in. Katie and everyone were standing in an alley next to the building. She leaned over and went over the plan one more time.

"Now if I run into trouble when I'm trying to close the deal, I'll push this button," She said holding up a remote control, "And it will alert you guys to go ahead with 'Operation You Know What'. Any questions?"

Katie raised her hand. "Can I go to the bathroom?"  
  
"NO!" Carolyn snapped. "Well, wish me luck." She took a deep breath, and walked inside.

Inside...

"...I'm sorry young lady," The dude in charge temporarily in charge of the channel, whom I shall randomly call Carl, said as he shook his head. "But you're far too young to purchase a TV station." They sat inside Carl's office, arguing quietly.  
  
"But I'm really mature!" Carolyn argued. "And I can easily pay for it!"

"It doesn't matter, you're still a minor." He stated flatly.

"But I'll have all my friends helping me out! If you put us all together, we're like 73! And if you count Sloth, then we're almost 200!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not selling you the station." He said calmly. He snickered. "Why don't you and your little club, go back to the treehouse?"

Carolyn's eyes narrowed. Nobody suggested she buy a treehouse. NOBODY! "I didn't want to use this..." She growled in a voice that sounded like poison honey, "But you leave me no other alternative..." She whipped out the remote control and pushed a large red button. She heard her friend's voices, about 5 stories down.

"Ready?!" Caitlin called.

"FIRE!" Katie shrieked.

There was the sound of a catapult launching. Five seconds later, a large brown object splattered all over the window. (It wasn't mud).

"Good shot Mr. Cronos!" Sam cheered.

Carl stared open mouthed at his formerly clean window. "I-Is that...?"

"It is." Carolyn said triumphantly. "And unless you sell me the station, we'll keep firing more of that stuff at your window until you change your mind!"

Carl glared furiously at her. His right eye twitched. He forced a smile. "You must think you're pretty clever, don't you?"

"Not really." She said smiling smugly. "I just happen to know that if you hurl shit at someone's window long enough he usually caves in to your terms."

"How...creative." He murmured. As he said the word 'creative' his eyes wore a sort of hungry look, but it vanished quickly. He reached into the desk and pulled out a piece of paper and slammed it down on his desk. Carolyn realized it was a contract.

"Sign it and get out of my sight." He growled handing her a pen. She picked up the contract and began to read it carefully. "Don't read it, just sign it!" He snapped.

"How do I know that you not going to rip me off?" Carolyn spat angrily.

"All that contract contains," Carl said rolling his eyes. "Is the ownership of the station. Now just sign it so I can have someone clean my window, it's starting to stink."

Carolyn was eager to leave the room as well. She quickly scribbled her name down on the contract without reading it. She handed it to Carl. He looked it over carefully.

"Congratulations, you are now the owner of channel 13." He grumbled handing the contract back to her. "Just don't make me regret this."

Carolyn happily skipped out of the room. She heard Carl say to his secretary: "Get a scaffold up here and have someone clean up this shit!"

Carolyn felt slightly sorry for the unfortunate window cleaner, but that didn't stop her from taking out her walkie-talkie and speaking to Katie.

"Success Katie." Carolyn said waving the contract in her hand as though Katie could actually see it. "I got it."

"Great!" Katie cried. Carolyn could hear everyone else cheering in the background. "Do we cease fire?"

Carolyn grinned. "No, keep firing until the truck's empty."

"How come?"

"I didn't like Carl's tone. I'll be down in a minute, over." She shut off her walkie-talkie and skipped out the front door, her heart considerably lighter, and Carl's office considerably smellier.


	5. The Cast Goes South

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Calm

Comments: You will never find out how much money Carolyn has saved in her bank account…EVER. And I really do have a 'Megatokyo' book bag in real life. I call it Baggy and I wuv it so…

* * *

"Okay." Carolyn said in the airport pacing back and forth in front of her friends. She was wearing her trademark 'Megatokyo' book bag. It was a nice, decently sized, black little bag that she had purchased at an anime convention. She always used it to carry her prized possessions. Her sketchbook, her notebook, pencils, and floppy disks with her novel saved on them. "Here's how the roles pan out: I'm the brave and smart leader, Katie's my untrusty, stupid, sidekick, Sloth's the smart guy, Cronos is the tough guy, and Sam's the quiet, nice, guy that ends up going crazy for some reason. The rest of you are...miscellaneous."

"...MISCELLANEOUS TEAM RULES!" Lauren yelled.

"YEAH!" Team Miscellaneous cheered at once.

"I've hired a team of...smart people, to carry out the business number stuff for the channel, so that way I can take my rightful place as director of the TV show. I put someone else in charge of the channel, but I still have the power to fire him if I want. So all I have to worry about is the show."

"Who'd you put in charge...dare I ask?" Sloth asked.

Carolyn shrugged. "I felt bad for hurling cattle feces at his window, so I put Carl in charge. Plus he threatened to sue me if I didn't. He wants to keep an eye on us, so he's going to be living with us in the studio."

"Where is this studio?" Cronos asked.

"I purchased a nice studio on the Island of Lost Souls." Carolyn explained. "It used to be a castle, but everyone in it caught the plague recently, so it was a bargain. I'm sure that whole 'plague' thing was a coincidence."

"Coincidence my Uncle Freddie!" Caitlin yelled.

"You don't have an Uncle Freddie." Alex corrected her.

"Shut up!" She snapped, then she went on, "We could all die of the Black Death, Carolyn! Why do you always pick the cheapest deal?!"

"I do NOT always pick the cheapest deal!"

"You got the cheapest doctor after Katie had her little 'incident' with the pixie stick!"  
  
"He got most of the sugar out of her brain, didn't he?" Carolyn retorted.

"HE USED A VACUMN CLEANER!!"

"Well it worked didn't it?! And anyway, I paid to have the castle modernized. It has electricity, running water, and all that good stuff. I added a second building to the back of the castle for all the cast's individual rooms, its more like a hotel than a castle now! And I STILL have a ton of money left over!"

"How much money is IN that back account of yours??" Tom asked thunderstruck.

"I think about-"

"Flight 3-A to the Island of Lost Souls is now boarding."

"That's us!" Carolyn said cheerfully grabbing her suitcase. "Let's go!" She skipped onto the plane.

"I'm gonna regret this trip, I just know it." Sloth sighed as he turned to follow the others onto the plane, which would take them to their stupid fates.

On the Island of Lost Souls…

"There it is." Carolyn said gesturing towards the enormous castle in front of them. The front of it looked like a castle out of a horror movie, but the back looked like half of a hotel. It seemed like someone had just glued an 'Embassy Suites' to the back of a castle and walked away with a sense of job-well-done.

"Let's go in and meet the staff!" Katie cheered. She ran forward and threw open the huge oak doors, and was immediately blasted backwards by a roar of music coming from within.

_"We're Knights of the Round Table! We dance whene'r able!" _A group of knights sang as they danced around the front hall, singing at the top of their lungs. _"We do routines, and chorus scenes with footwork impeccable! We dine well here in Camelot we eat ham and jam and spam a looooooooooooooooooot!"_

"What the hell?!" Carolyn shrieked as the knights from Monty Python continued their musical number in the background. "Why are The Knights of the Round Table here in my studio?!"

Cronos looked extremely guilty. He began to inch slowly away from Carolyn, but she noticed this and grabbed him by the front of the shirt.

"Explain." She growled. Cronos looked terrified.

"T-They were the castle's former occupants, but when we bought the place they refused to leave, so I was forced to hire them. I didn't tell you, 'cause I thought you'd be mad."  
  
"Mad?" Carolyn seethed. "Why would I be mad?" She shook him hard. "I'M FURIOUS!! AND TOM, GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

Tom had joined in the can-can line with the knights.

"Excuse me, milady?" A voice asked. Carolyn turned around. King Arthur strode towards her. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but your animal shrieking is disturbing my knights."

"Actually, if what Cronos said is true, they're MY knights now." She stated dropping Cronos to the floor. Arthur looked shocked.

"That's preposterous!" The Knights of the Round table, led by a young maiden?! It's madness!"

"Don't get your chain mail in a twist. I'm willing to let you and the musical knights stay as long as you help me with my show."

"That seems a little unfair." Arthur sighed, "Considering this WAS my castle…"  
  
"You really should've paid your taxes then. But I'm letting you stay anyway, if you don't want to however, I'm sure I can find workers just as suitable as your knights, all I have to do is look in the lobotomy ward of an insane asylum, without the singing."

Arthur threw up his hands and let them fall at his sides. "Alright, fine. We'll help you out, what do we have to do?"  
  
"Whatever I tell you, whenever I tell you. And there is one rule that I will strictly enforce."

"What's that?"  
  
Carolyn pointed at the knights who had long since stopped singing. "NEVER _EVER _SING IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN!"

"Can we still dance?" Sir Lancelot asked.

"Not while I'm in the room!"

"Can we hum?"  
  
"Who's stopping you?"

All the knights began to hum, obnoxiously loud. Carolyn plugged up her ears and sighed.

"I'm gonna need a vacation when this is all done." She grumbled.

"I thought we WERE on vacation!" Lauren wailed. "The hotel in back is VERY misleading!"


	6. Cronos's Two Loves

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored Again

Comments: I've got a ton of this story already typed and saved on my hard drive, so I decided to upload a bunch of chapters these last few days. Enjoy!

* * *

"I'm gonna go pick my room and unpack." Cronos said lifting up his suitcase.

Sam grinned. "I bet that suitcase is stuffed full of crappily-written love poetry about Carolyn!"

All the boys laughed while, Carolyn stared at them in confusion. Cronos looked pissed off.

"IT IS NOT FULL OF CRAPPY POETRY AND YOU KNOW IT!" He roared.

Alex patted him on the shoulder. He was still sniggering. "Aw, we know pal. We were just messing with you. We're going to look around a bit. You go ahead and unpack your crap poems."

Everyone walked off. Every male in the group was still laughing their ass off.

"Crappily-written poetry…" Cronos grumbled as he used his superman-like strength to sling his suitcase over his shoulder as he started towards the hotel portion of the studio. "Just because the first few pieces I wrote weren't genius doesn't mean their ALL crap… That's the last time I show Sam something I wrote, he can't keep a secret."

Once he'd reached the hotel he started up the stairs. He stopped at the ten-billionth floor, the top.

"I'll be away from all those morons." Cronos grumbled. He was still bitter about Sam's word-hole spilling out more info than necessary.

He went into the room and slammed the door shut. He threw his suitcase down on the bed and sat down on the floor, between the end of the bed and the TV. He reached up and opened it. He began to unload his clothing into the drawers next to the TV. His whole wardrobe was basically the same. Black shirt, black pants, black shirt, black pants, over and over again. Well, some girls dig black. Though he wished Carolyn was one of them…

He reached the bottom of the suitcase and stopped. Lying at the bottom of the suitcase was a picture of him and Carolyn that had been taken on one occasion when Carolyn had struck him over the head with a wooden board and dragged his unconscious heap to the mall. When he'd awoken, Carolyn had been forcing him to carry all her stuff. Not wanting to set off Carolyn's rage in public, he reluctantly agreed.

During that time, Cronos had been recovering from a botched operation. He'd been trying to make his eyes temporarily narrower for the 'Angst-Filled Heroes Convention'. But the doctor turned out to be a man from Detroit who just walked in and was proclaimed a surgeon. So Cronos's face had been temporarily numb. He hadn't really been able to talk or make expressions.

Carolyn had sensed Cronos's misery, so she'd dragged him to a photo booth. Since Cronos wasn't able to smile for the camera Carolyn had pulled on the sides of his mouth in an attempt to help him. It had only succeeded in making Cronos look…well…I'm not sure how to describe it…really creepy. When the numbness had worn off, they'd both laughed their asses off about it. Carolyn had one copy and Cronos had the other. He sighed and hugged the picture forlornly. That was the closest Carolyn had ever been to his face.

"What's that? More love-poetry?" A familiar voice asked teasingly, making Cronos jump. He shoved the picture in the drawer and spun around. Carolyn was standing there grinning.

"Carolyn!" He sputtered, "What are you doing here?"

"Me and the others were just choosing our rooms. They're all on the same floor as yours you know."

At that moment Katie ran by the open door to the room, holding an ice bucket, and singing loudly: _"Ice, Ice, Ice, Ice! I'm going to get some ice!"_

"I thought that if I went to the top, I could avoid people like her." Cronos grumbled.

Carolyn rolled her eyes. "Cronos, here's a fact of life: no matter how big the threat of terrorism, no matter how unstable the weight balance is, no matter how many of them are afraid of heights, when they go to a hotel, everyone goes to the top floor. People are just that stupid."

"If it's so stupid, then why did you get a room up here?" Cronos asked.

"So Katie can't injure herself and others."

"Good point."

Carolyn sighed. "Cronos, I really don't know how to deal with these people. I've never been a strong leader-type. I just know I'm going to screw this up! I shouldn't have bought this studio!"

"This is my chance to reassure her!" Cronos thought. He quickly stood up and started speaking. "Carolyn, you and me are probably the two people with the most sanity in this building. If anyone can control these losers, you can! If you can't survive then who can?! No offense, but you're as stubborn as a mule, so you should be able to last during this job."

Carolyn smiled brightly. "Hey! Thanks Cronos! Despite how you compared me to a barnyard animal, that really cheered me up!" She leaned forward and hugged him. He blushed in shock, but she didn't notice. Before he could muster up the courage to put his arms around her, she said: "You're such a good friend."

"Friend…" Cronos thought sadly, "Is that all she's ever going to see me as?"

Suddenly he looked past her and spotted his dream-come-true.

"A MINI-BAR!" He screamed. He shoved Carolyn to the side and ran over to the small fridge. He flung it open and a grabbed a beer. Alcohol was his first love.

"I'll have to have my normal booze stash installed in here. But this'll do for now." Cronos said.

"Don't drink that." Carolyn warned him. "I bet it's really expensive."

Cronos smiled, stuck the bottle cap in his mouth, gave the bottle a sharp twist, and cracked it open with extra relish. Being half-fairy, Crono's bones were harder than normal humans. That included his teeth. That explained why he had small fangs. (He's not a vampire by the way. Though he does enjoy horror movies).

Cronos spat out the bottle cap and took a swig of beer. "AHHHH! Bliss!" He said smiling.

"Yeah, booze is the your equivalent of the 'One Ring' to Golem." Carolyn said referring to one of her favorite movies.

"I never liked those movies." Cronos said standing up, "Peter Jackson did a really crummy job staying true to the books."

"But…But…" Carolyn stammered. Suddenly she folded her hands, her eye pupils shrank, and her eyes widened as a deranged smile crept across her face. "But Orlando Bloom is _myyy precioussss…"_ She said as her voice suddenly turned really raspy and creepy.

"You know, you do a really good Golem impression."

"Thanks!" Carolyn said cheerfully, her voice back to normal. She turned to leave the room.

"Something tells me we're all gonna have a lot of fun working on this TV show." Cronos called after her.

"Watch it Cronos," Carolyn warned as she left. "I know what you're idea of 'fun' is. I'm running a studio, not an asylum."


	7. Cafeteria Woes

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored Again

Comments: New chapter for you! Enjoy or die!

* * *

Later on, everyone sat in the employee's cafeteria. All the dancing knights from before were now quiet and talking at a table. The rest of the staff that Cronos had hired all sat at random tables.

They were a rowdy bunch. Obscenities filled the sound waves, chairs were hurled across the room, belching contests shook the very foundation of the building, and it was more than once that Carolyn had to give someone the 'ol 'one finger salute'.

The cafeteria itself looked like the great hall of Hogwarts meets a high-school cafeteria. It had a high ceiling, and stone walls. But the floor was tiled and the tables were cheap fold-up poker tables. The chairs were hard and made of metal. Food was kept on a long counter with glass in front of it, so you had to ask the person behind the counter for something, which would subject you to many foul curse-words.

Cronos, not wanting to bother with dude behind the counter, elbowed the glass barrier. The glass shattered easily, under his strength. He pulled a chocolate pudding out, brushed off the larger shards of glass, and went to sit with his friends.

"WE'RE FREE!" Someone cried as a group of people that the man behind the counter had scared off, hurried to grab some food.

Katie had gotten a coffee, but she'd flung it at someone after realizing that it tasted HORRIBLE. She was now dumping sugar on the table, forming it into a pile, laughing happily. Sam, Caitlin, and Alex looked on in amusement.

"Having fun?" Cronos asked sitting down next to Sam.

"I AM!" Katie said loudly and cheerfully.

"Oh goody. Now focus on your sugar again. The adults are talking." Caitlin said sounding like an adult scolding a child. Katie, still smiling and never blinking, went back to her sugar pile.

"So where's Carolyn?" Alex asked. "I was sure I saw her getting into a fistfight with someone a few minutes ago."

"Yeah, the guy tried to cheat her out of a quarter in Blackjack." Caitlin sighed, "Honestly, Carolyn's such a little miser, that if you try to take a penny from her you'll face her wrath. Believe me, I've tried!"

Suddenly Carolyn's voice boomed throughout the room. "Can I have everyone's attention please?" She was standing at a podium near the back of the room. Cronos and Alex's jaws dropped. Carolyn had changed out of her old outfit, and she was now wearing her trademark pink top with spaghetti straps, a pair of baggy jeans, and white sneakers. These articles of clothing banded together to form TRADITIONAL Carolyn! (Not available in stores…yet). As she spoke, only one thought was going through Cronos and Alex's seedy little minds: "I can almost see down her shirt!"

Even as Carolyn called for silence, no one in the room shut up (except for Cronos and Alex who were too busy drooling).

"You're drooling into my cheesecake!" Sam yelled moving his plate away from Cronos.

"Can everyone please be quiet?" Carolyn called out once again. She was trying to sound polite, but at the same time she was really annoyed. When no one crammed their pie-hole, Carolyn grabbed her microphone, held it up to her lips and screamed at top volume: "LISTEN UP YA BASTARDS!"

Silence fell over the room.

"Thank you." Carolyn said as her blood pressure plummeted back down to its normal level. "Now, I have some announcements to make to my new staff members. First of all, yes: this place will be run like a dictatorship."

"Am I the only one who's not surprised?" Sam asked rolling his eyes.

"_I'm _surprised." Katie said. She was drawing anime characters in her pile of sugar with a swizzle stick.

"Secondly:" Carolyn continued. "We need a camera man. I wouldn't trust one of those drunks Cronos hired with a piece of string, so that rules them out."  
  
"HEY! THOSE ARE MY OLD ARMY BUDDIES YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Cronos shouted. Cronos had once been enrolled in the army after his mother abandoned him when he was two. He had grown up learning the ways of combat, becoming a skilled solider, learning how to grow out his multi-colored hair, how to look feminine but still masculine and attractive, and how to throw bitching keg parties. He left after setting fire to a keg in a commanding officer's office. Cronos had, unfortunately, forgotten that alcohol can have explosive effects.

"So we'll have one of the Knights of the Round Table do it." She pointed at them, "Has anyone of you ever used a camera?"

"William has!" Galahad called out, "Of course it was an old-fashioned black-and-white camera…"

"Close enough!" Carolyn yelled. "William! Stand up!"

A man with flaming red hair and a goatee of matching color stood up. "That's me!" He had a thick Scottish accent.

"I dub you 'Sir Billy the Cameraman'!"

"Sweet!" Billy sat down again.

"Some more announcements," Carolyn went on, "Anyone who pisses me off, will have their eyes pulled out, and then strangled with their retina cords, unto death."

Cronos listened as he ate his pudding. He was chewing a mouthful of cheap chocolate substitute and microscopic glass shards. He looked down into the brown depths and gagged. A cigarette butt was buried beneath the fudge. Cronos no longer felt hungry.

"Also, anyone who tries to leak spoilers of the story to the public will have the skin stripped off their forearm, like little bits of string cheese, unto death." She looked at another piece of paper. "And one last notice from the cooking staff. Anyone unhappy with the meal plans, should keep their opinions to themselves, unless they wish to be subjected to a severe tongue-lashing."

"That I can live with." Alex said, glad that it wasn't a gruesome fatal punishment.

"…Unto death." Carolyn finished.

"DAMNIT!"

"You shouldn't say bad words." Kate whispered looking up from her sugar.

Other members of the audience were unhappy, but none of them dared show it to their psychopath employer, except for one brave soul who stood up and yelled: "BOO!" So Carolyn flipped him off.

"You can, of course, go fuck yourself." She snapped.

"She shouldn't swear so much." Katie whispered.

Carolyn came down from the podium and walked towards the table where her friends sat. Alex grabbed her arm. "Here! Sit next to me!"

Cronos, not missing a beat, grabbed Carolyn by the other arm and pulled her down into the seat next to him. "Nice try dipshit."  
  
"Phooey!"  
  
"Please stop swearing." Katie said. Her voice was soft, but she had stopped playing with the sugar, and that WASN'T a good sign.

"Damnit Alex," Carolyn said rolling her eyes, "Why can't you just be non-perverted like Cronos is?"

Before Alex could respond, Katie exploded into tears and stood up.

"STOP SWEARNG! YOU SHOULDN'T SAY BAD WORDS, AND I'M GONNA TELL!" She broke down sobbing. Sam pulled her back down into her seat.

"Calm down." He said patting her on the back. "Just go back your sugar."  
  
Katie's tears instantly dried up and she became cheerful again. "KAY!"

Later, Cronos sat in his room flipping through the TV channels.

"Sweet! They have HBO!" He said grinning as 'The Sopranos' started.

Suddenly the door flew open and Katie ran in. Cronos spat out a mouthful of the beer he'd been sipping.

"What do ya want with me?!" Cronos asked faking a cheesy Scottish accent.

"Carolyn got all her stuff unpacked! You gotta come see! It's really cool!" Katie screamed bouncing around on the tips of her feet.

Cronos sighed and turned off the Mafia-themed show, just as someone was shot for stealing the Don's bag of Cheetos. He followed Katie out into the hallway. As they walked through the corridor, Katie noticed an open door.

"Whoops! Left my door open!" Katie said. She cheerfully closed the door, but before she did Cronos got a look inside. It was a mess, the bed was overturned, the floor was soaked with rotten food, and soda stains covered the wall. And all Katie had done was take a nap in it.

"Well, we all have our talents." Cronos thought. He followed Katie down another couple of doors, until they stopped at one the read 777. Katie pushed the door open and walked in, Cronos followed.

Instantly, Cronos was confronted with a Nerd/RPG fan/Anime fan's version of Heaven. The walls were so covered with posters of anime and videogame characters, that you couldn't even see the wall. Carolyn had hooked up a new computer with a DSL line. There was a TV with a PS2 hooked up. The room reeked strongly of incense.

Carolyn, Caitlin, and Sam all sat at the computer. Carolyn was showing them how fast the new Internet connection was. She was swearing about AOL a lot.

"Damn AOL, nearly ruined my Internet experience!" Carolyn rambled. She noticed Katie and Cronos. She smiled and stood up.

"How to you like my home away from home?"

"How about Heaven away from crap-shack?" Cronos joked. Katie spotted a snow globe on a small table. She grabbed it and laughed.

"Oops! That's for Christmas. I guess I forgot to put it away." Carolyn reached over and tried to take the snow globe, but Katie hissed like a cat and yanked it back.

"Okay, fine." Carolyn said throwing her arms up in the air, "I don't care!"

Katie happily shook the glass sphere. "LOOK! IT'S SNOWING IN A MINITURE VILLAGE!"

Suddenly there was the sound of the door opening from the back of the small hall that led to the door.

"Room service!" A voice called.

"I didn't order anything!" Carolyn said frowning. Suddenly someone burst into the room. Everyone immediately recognized him. His light green skin, his long silver hair, the scar across his left eye, and his red slits for eyes. Dressed in a long black cloak, he leered down at them.

"We meet again, Carolyn. Prepare to die."


	8. Behind the Terror

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Happy

Comments: A note to classengurl: (GRINS) Thankies for all the nice reviews! I'm glad to think people think Cronos is Bishounen! (Smiles) About the plushie, Caitlin and me actually have plans to make a Cronos plushie, so if we do, I'll be sure to tell you. But will Carolyn and Cronos get together? I'm not saying. This is going to be one LONG story, and poor Cronos is going to have several romantic rivals to deal with later. And Carolyn will have to deal with some of Cronos' suitors herself. I'm going to have so much fun with that concept. (In case you haven't noticed, I read FAR too much Manga and watch FAR too much anime)

* * *

The quartet of friends immediately sprang into action. Caitlin got into her traditional battle stance that made her look like a shaolin master with severe menstrual cramps. Katie hurled the snow globe blindly at their attacker and jumped under the bed. It landed with a crash, nowhere near the man, but it gave Cronos, Sam, and Carolyn the chance they needed.

The three of them leapt forward. Sam head butted the man in the gut. Cronos socked him across the face, and Carolyn kneed him in the nuts.

"OW!" The man screamed. He fell to the ground waving his arms. "OKAY! OKAY! TRUCE! TRUCE! UNCLE! UNCLE!"

Carolyn knelt down and grabbed the man's silver hair. "Fredrick, I've been meaning to say this for years: That has got to be the WORST hairpiece I have ever seen." With that, she gave his hair a great yank. But surprisingly it stayed put, and Fredrick howled in pain.

"So it's real," Carolyn sneered, "I guess it was just a crappy dye job then."

"You fool!" Fredrick snarled, "My hair is just as real as yours!" As he spoke, Katie peeked out from under the bed.

"Fredrick, what the hell are you doing here?!" Cronos snarled stepping in front of Carolyn protectively.

"Not so tough without your demon army, huh?!" Caitlin snapped.

"Yeah!" Katie shouted standing up. "I bet your planning to tear your left arm off and beat us to death with it!" Katie came up with some demented jokes sometimes.

Fredrick, his threat gone, sat helplessly on the floor, like a child when he's pouting. "I came to kill you of course."

"You haven't tried to kill me for two months when I was at home watching TV utterly defenseless. Why attack now?"

Fredrick glared up at her. "Because, I'm you're arch-enemy, and you didn't ask me to be in your show! It's not fair! I killed your previous incarnation, and you couldn't even bother to give me a phone call! I'm Cronos's evil godfather and you didn't even THINK to ask me!"

Carolyn shrugged. "I assumed you were busy trying, but failing, to conquer the world."

Fredrick sniffled like he was about to cry. "I had plenty of free time! If I wanted to, I could've come over to your house while Cronos was drunk and killed your ass if I wanted. My evil lair is right down the street from your house!"

"HA!" Cronos laughed. "You think you're so smart. Well it just so happens that I NEVER get drunk, 'cause I have a high resistance to alcohol. So there!"

"Fredrick, why didn't you just CALL me?" Carolyn asked.

Fredrick stopped bawling and frowned. "I never thought of that. Funny how your mind works when you want to kill everything that crosses into your field of vision."

"Look, if you want to be in the damn show, fine." Carolyn sighed, "But you'll have to do odd jobs. I have all the other positions filled, so when I need you I'll let you know. So for now, park that floating evil castle-lair of yours, over the ocean near the island. I'll call when you're needed." She patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks for stopping by." She opened up the door and said politely, "Now get the hell out of my room before I flay you alive."

Fredrick left, shooting her a look of deep revulsion.

"How come you're never that nice to me?" Katie asked.

"I'm a director/angst-filled-teen/sugar-filled-teen/writer/high-school-student. NOT a miracle worker. Now LEAVE, or I'll tear the skin off your faces!"

"What a grouch!" Caitlin snapped as Carolyn slammed the door behind them.

"Well can you blame her?" Cronos asked, "She's under a lot of stress right now. She's taken over a studio at the age of 15! And then she has that novel she's writing to finish! Carolyn does a lot! She does so much, I'm surprised she doesn't fight crime!"

"Actually…she…does fight crime…" Sam said rolling his eyes.

(Flashback to time when Carolyn stopped a robbery)

"Look!" A hostage, I will randomly call Paul, cried. "It's Angst-Filled-Teen!"

Carolyn burst into the room. Her blond hair had red streaks temporarily dyed into it. She was wearing a black, sleeveless, sweater, and baggy black jeans. She wore black wristbands, had a paintball gun in a holster at her side, and to hide her identity, she wore Matrix-style sunglasses.

Carolyn immediately ran over to a robber and began to pound her fists against his chest, while wailing, "NOBODY LIKES ME! EVERYBODY HATES ME! I'M ALWAYS WRONG! THEY ALL LAUGH AT ME! NOBODY LOVES ME! I'M STUPID! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU! I LOOK FAT, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE TELLS ME!"

Every robber within a five-mile radius dropped dead.

"You did it Angst-Filled-Teen!" Another hostage, I will call Cindy, cried, "How can we ever-"

"SHUT UP!" Carolyn sobbed. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU!" She tore out of the room bawling like a baby. The hostages just stared after her, confused.

(End of flashback…now wasn't that a pretty flashback?)

"Good times…" Sam said smiling, "Good times…"

"RIIIIIIIIGHT." Cronos said rolling his eyes. "Well, we better get down to the set. Carolyn said she'll be coming down to discuss our first episode shoot in a few minutes."

Later down on the set…

Everyone stood around talking, mostly about the local sports team. (Of course, the Island of Lost Souls doesn't HAVE a team, but still, it's nice to dream…). Suddenly the doors flew open and Carolyn strode in holding a clipboard. She was smiling broadly. Everyone, under her command of course, cheered when they saw her.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Carolyn called out silencing their cries, "My first order as your employer, is: AVERT THY GAZE YOU MORTAL HEATHENS!"

Everyone covered their eyes and cheered.

"Now first order of business," Carolyn said reading from the clipboard, "We need an introductory episode. And I already have a perfect idea!"

At that moment, the doors flew open and Carl walked in. Under Carolyn's orders once again, nobody cheered.

"Sorry I'm late." He called. "Please continue."

Carolyn, who hated being interrupted, reminded herself that she had hurled cow dung at this man's window, so she continued and ignored him. "I copied this idea from the opening of Jackass: The Movie. It'll show three shopping carts, each racing down three water slides lined up right next to each other. Each cart will have two of us in it. I will be standing in the middle cart, and as we're racing I'll yell out, 'Hi! I'm Carolyn and welcome to 'Behind the Terror'! Moments later, we'll shoot off the ends of the tracks and crash into whatever. Then it'll flash through a bunch of clips of us doing stupid, but hilarious, stuff. So what do you think?"

"'Behind the Terror?'" Caitlin asked frowning.

"Yep." Carolyn said smiling, "I came up with that name, 'cause the title makes fun of 'Behind the Music' and because this show will scare a lot of censors."

Carl chimed in. "Well I like the idea! I think it's very…imaginative." As he said 'imaginative', his eyes got that same hungry look as they did before. But it vanished once again.

Carolyn was stunned. Happy, but stunned. "Um…thanks Carl. Anyone have any complaints?"

Afraid of having their employment, (and their lives), cut tragically short, no one said anything.

"Good! Now we'll need to find a water park to shoot this."

"There's one right outside." Alex said.

"That's lucky."


	9. SnakeBoy Abuse! Part 1

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Happy

Rant: This is probably one of the most important chapters in the story. The cast of my favorite book series 'Cirque Du Freak' arrives. Me, Katie, and Caitlin all love the series, but unfortunately not many people we know read it. So if you could try to read the series and tell me what you think in a review, I'd appreciate it. The 'Cirque' cast is some of the many people from various books and movies I plan to put into this fic. But unlike other fics like this, when most people come, they'll STAY.

(Also, Katie help me write this chapter, so if there are any major grammatical errors IT'S ALL KATIE'S FAULT!)

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan.

* * *

Outside…

As everyone set up the shopping carts and water slides, Carolyn read the plan of action for the episode shoot.

"Okay everyone! Listen up! We've linked all the water slides in the park up to form one big racecourse! There will be three teams on separate tracks! Each will have their own shopping cart!

The three teams will consist of:

Team One:  
  
Caitlin and Alex

Team Two:

Carolyn and Cronos

And Team Three:

Katie and Sam.

After my line we'll all shoot off the edge of the track and meet our horrible dooms. Any questions?"

Everyone stared at her openmouthed in shock.

"Glad everyone understands me. Okay Cronos, lets get in the cart."

"NOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA!" He dropped down on his knees and hugged her leg in a pitiful attempt to beg for mercy. "PLEEEEEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO! I'M BEGGING YOU! Have I told you how cute you look today?? Have you been dieting?? Your butt looks smaller!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Carolyn said sternly.

"Crap." Cronos sighed as he was tossed into the cart. She climbed in after him. She turned to Katie, Sam, Caitlin, and Alex who were already in their respective carts. "You guys ready?!"  
  
"Ready!" Katie said grinning as she gave Carolyn a thumbs-up sign.

"You seem pretty confident." Sam remarked.

"Of course I am!" Katie said smiling, "Carolyn said nothing bad will happen and it'll be fun! Since Carolyn said it, it must be true!"  
  
"Why do you think that way?" Sam asked in bewilderment,

"I trust Carolyn because she told me to!"

"THAT'S A HORRIBLE REASON TO TRUST HER!"

"No it isn't! Carolyn's always helping people! They just never understand her specific KIND of help so they usually end up running…or screaming…or bleeding…or burning."

"This will not end well." Sam sighed slapping himself on the forehead.

"You're right, it won't!" Carolyn said gleefully. "On your mark…get set…"  
  
"TELL MY MOM I LOVE HER!" Alex wailed in terror.

"GO!"

"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH US PLEASE!" Katie cheered as the shopping cart began to roll downhill. She hurried towards the front of the car and spread out her arms. "LOOK SAM! I'M FLYING!"

titanic theme music begins to play in the background

THUMP!

music stops

Sam looked back at the portion of the track they had just passed over. "WE HIT SOMEONE!"

"Oh crap!" Carolyn wailed, "Not ANOTHER lawsuit!" She pulled out a remote control and hit a red button. A huge stone wall sprang up from the track and in front of Katie and Sam's cart. They slammed into it at full force. Meanwhile a pile of fluffy white pillows sprang up in front of Carolyn and Cronos and they landed softly and safely.

"How come you got the pillows?" Katie grumbled pulling herself up from the wreckage of her cart.

"Because I'm the director. I get pillows and you get a wall."

"Um…what about dumb and dumber?" Cronos asked pointing at Caitlin and Alex who were still zipping down the track, screaming like little girls.

"I bet I'll get blamed for that." Carolyn grumbled. "Someone go stop them. Now, let's see who Katie ran over THIS time!"  
  
"ONE TIME!" Katie yelled, "I GOT DRUNK AND RAN MYSELF OVER ONE STINKING TIME! OKAY?!"

"How the hell did she manage to run herself over?" Tommy asked in amazement as everyone hurried over to Katie's latest hit-and-run victim.

"It's a funny story actually," Carolyn said smiling, "I'll tell you sometime."

A boy with yellowish green hair and dark squeamish skin lied face down. His skin looked like it was a strange skin condition or rash of some sort. Track marks trailed down his back. Carolyn reached his body first closely followed by Katie.

"Is he ok?"

"Lets see." Carolyn picked him up by his hair and showed Katie. The boy's face was in a look of shock. And he had a bloody nose.

"WAAH!"

Carolyn slapped him a few times till the dazed look in his red eyes became normal.

"Where am I…?"

"You're in a water park. Sign this!" Carolyn said sticking a contract in his face. "When you sign this it means you won't be able to sue us for the grave injury that you are suffering from."

The boy was still in a daze so he signed the contract without a fight. Carolyn smiled and looked at the signature in satisfaction. Her eyes widened as she spotted the name.

"Evra Von?" She said frowning, "Evra Von what?"

"That's it." Evra said shrugging. "Just Von."

"Are you stoned?"

"NO!"  
  
Katie's eyes had widened at the mention of Evra's name. Her eyes were so big they seemed to take up half her face. A huge grin spread across her face. She squealed with happiness and flung her arms around him in a tight hug, strangling him at the same time. Katie put her hands on Evra's scaled cheeks and squeezed and rubbed them together.

"Look how cute he is!" Katie squealed. She took her hands back and inspected them closely so they were only an inch from her face. Evra's skin was scaled, like a snake. Some dead scales had come off him and were on Katie's hands. She looked at them fascinated and pressed her hands against her own cheeks and rubbed them.

"What'd you find? What'd we hit?" Sam called.

Evra slyly, without Katie noticing (she was too busy with the scales on her hands and cheeks) put his hands on her butt.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Sam shouted. He grabbed Cronos by the front of the shirt and hurled him at Evra.

Cronos had his first and final flying lesson, which lasted 2.5 seconds landing on top of Evra then bouncing off.

"WE GOT A BOUNCER!" Tom yelled.

"Hello," Cronos groaned weakly to Evra who was staring at him in confusion, "I'm Cronos and I'm in a shit load of pain. I'm gonna go to sleep now."  
  
THUNK! Cronos passed out before he could say another word.

"WHAT THE HELL'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Carolyn shrieked running to check her friends's pulse.

"Sorry…"

"Sam! What'd you do that for? Why'd you throw Cronos at him?" Katie screamed holding Evra against her chest protectively. "Why Sam? Why?"

"Did you see what he was doing to you?!"

"No. What?"

(Inside Evra's head) Wow these are nice. Very, very soft. Squishy. A nice butt AND nice knockers.

"SEE? SEE?! HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!" Sam shouted at her.

Katie let go of Evra and stood in front of Sam. "You jealous?"

Sam lowered his eyes shyly. "No."

"You want some love too?" Katie taunted.

Sam blushed furiously. "It's ok. I'm ok. Just watch yourself around him ok?"

(Inside Evra's head) Where'd my soft pillows go?!

"Why did you react to Evra's name like that anyways?" Tom asked.

"He's from that book series I love. That...uh…one...with the…uh…thing…in it…yeah that's it…"

"Cirque du Freak?" Carolyn asked since she was a fan also.

"YEAH! THAT'S THE ONE!"

"What's it about?" Sam asked.

"It's about this boy named Darren who gets turned into a half-vampire to save his best friend. It's basically about him getting through each day. It's really good! Almost as good as Harry Potter!"  
  
"I WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE!" Katie squealed running around in circles flapping her arms like bat wings.

(Inside Evra's head) Must play dead…

Evra suddenly out of the blue fell over acting unconscious.

"Oh my gawd! I think he's got OWIES! Does anyone know ER!?

At that moment the cast of ER walked out onto the set.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Carolyn (who really dislikes that show) screamed.

The ER cast left without saying a word.

"Oops wrong one…Uh…Does anyone know PMS?"

Everyone's eyes shot open.

"Uh…I mean…that one with the mouth?"

(Inside Evra's head) Yes that one…

"CPR…?" Carolyn said sounding annoyed at Katie's stupidity.

"Yup. That's the one. I told you!" Katie said trying to take Carolyn's smartness.

"He doesn't need it." Cronos said kneeling by Evra. "Watch." Cronos curled his left hand into a fist and slammed it into Evra's stomach. The snake-boy sat up coughing and gasping for air.

"What the hell was that for?!" Evra screamed in fury.

"That's MY version of CPR." Cronos said grinning as he cracked his knuckles, "But if you're sill hurt do you want me to pummel you back to health?"

"NO!" Evra yelled, "I'M FINE!"

Katie pushed Cronos away and held Evra protectively against her chest again. "NO! Don't hurt him!"

(Inside Evra's head) There are my soft pillows. I missed you…

Carolyn's eyebrow rose suddenly. "If Evra's here…Then that means…that…Darren and the old _bat_ should be near."

A man many years older but not elderly jumped up. He had a small patch of orange hair and a long scar down his left cheek. He wore a red cloak that trailed the ground. "I resent that!"

A younger boy about Katie and Carolyn's age stood up suppressing laughter. He had fine brown hair and wore pirate's clothes.

"Oh shut up Darren!" The man scolded.

Katie again let go of Evra and walked over to the two new comers. "Darren Shan?" The boy nodded. "Mr. Crepsley?" The man nodded. "Vampires." The man nodded.

"Half…" Darren nods.

"Cooool. Lemme see! Hands up!"

Both raised hands as if they had a gun to their chest.

Katie inspected their hands and founds 10 small scars on the tip of their fingers. "Cool."

Both of them still had their hands up.

Katie fans air in front of her. "PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN!" Both put arms down quickly.

Katie plugs her nose up and looks through purse, which was small, but you could fit a whole cow in there (somehow) if you wanted. She took out male deodorants and tossed them to the two vampires. "It's called DE-O-DO-RANT! Use it!"

(Inside Evra's head) My pillows. There gone again.

Evra passes out again (faking).

"Not again…" Carolyn groaned.

Katie kneeled down next to Evra and leans close. "Guess all I can do is mouth-to-mouth."

"Are you sure?" Sam said concerned with a slight temper.

Katie leans forward and starts giving Evra mouth to mouth.

Evra throws his arms around Katie's neck and pressed her against himself.

Katie pushed herself away. "Simmi down now."

Sam burst into a giant ball of flame.

"Dude! DID YOU POUR PROPANE ON YOURSELF AGAIN?!" Cronos yelled.

"No. Actually it was lighter fluid."

"Evra Von. You totally used your tongue there. If you want a kiss from a girl you don't go off playing dead!"

Sam tackled Evra and a huge fight erupted, with a lot of fire.


	10. Snakeboy Abuse! Part 2

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Happy

Rant: Sorry for not updating in awhile. I'm COMPLETELY lazy. Katie helped me with this chapter so there's some funny stuff ahead. Sam and Evra like to mess with each other's heads.

And by the way, Samantha is an original character from a 'Cirque Du Freak' fanfic I'm planning. Whether or not I will put it on this site remains to be seen.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan.

{Several cure spells later}

Evra and Sam woke up in hospital. Blankets covered their bodies except their head. Katie had her back turned from them and was drawing something.

"Wha happened?" Evra moaned.

Katie turned around. Red stuff was all over her front.

"Good god what happened to your shirt?" Sam whispered harshly.

"Blood."

"You bled?"

"No. You did. You both did."

Evra and Sam stared at her in shock.

"You guys fought. You both passed out. Evra fell back a flight of stairs that appeared out of nowhere and Sam fell on a table where Dr. Sloth and Tom were eating. They got pissed that you smashed all their food and stabbed you with light sabers that appeared out of nowhere. It took 5 bulky crewmen to hold em down. Then you were lying on your back and somehow when no one was around your arm broke. I still don't know how. It was just basically an everyday thing. I suppose you should get used to this." Katie said calmly.

Sam looked over at Evra and shouted. "GET HIM OUT! I DON'T WANT HIM IN THE SAME ROOM THAT I'M IN! GET HIM OUT!"

Katie quickly moved Evra into the next room.

Sam closed his eyes and calmed down at the absence of the snake-boy in the room.

Then a moaning came from the other room where Evra was. "Oh god…oh yes…Katie come on…faster…oh god...Katie…Katie…Katie…holy shit…Harder…oh god oh god…you're like a goddess of sex…Now gimme more…"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?"

"What you just said." Evra called. "Hope you don't mind." He started moaning louder and more harshly.

"KATIE!"

While moaning continues Katie walked in the room where Sam was. "Yes dear?"

"EVRA YOU LITTLE FUCK! I'M GONA KILL YOU!"

Evra laughed from the other room.

"Did you want something Sam?" Katie said smiling.

Sam raised a finger and motioned it to show Katie to move closer. Katie walked up to Sam and peered down at him. "Yes?"

"Can I have a kiss?"

Katie smiled and kissed Sam lightly on his lips.

"Thanks. I needed that."

[Evra's room]

"Hahahahahha. That was so good. Hahahahaha." Evra said to himself laughing.

Just then a loud moaning came from the Sam's room. "Come on Katie…show me some love…more…" A loud moan. "Oh god…that's is Katie…Harder…faster…you're a naughty girl…" Panting. "I'm not done yet. I want some more. Come on! Give it to me!" Moaning and screaming.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Moan. "What do you think?" Moan.

"KATIE!" Katie popped her head in Evra's room.

"You rang?"

"SAM! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE YOU'RE SOOO DEAD!"

Sam laughed from other room.

"Can I have some food? Please?"

"Ya."

Katie turned and left the room. Fury flowed through Evra's heart. His eye was twitching.

The next day…

Evra and Sam finally left the hospital after a restless night. They only had a few small scratches left from their fight. It's amazing what lifetime's worth of blind fury can do for your injuries.

Evra walked over to Darren and Mr. Crepsley. He turned to look at Katie for moment.

"I guess we should get going." Mr. Crepsley said, "This whole thing had been very strange."

Evra smiled. "Nah. I think we should stay."  
  
Darren grinned. "I KNEW IT! It's that girl isn't it? You like her don't you?"  
  
"Yeah…" Evra said nodding. Mr. Crepsley stared at him in disgust.

"Are you crazy?! What about Samantha?! Have you completely forgotten about HER?!"

"SHH!" Evra hissed, "Not so frickin loud! Katie will hear! We'll only stay for a little while. Besides, Samantha's used to me leaving for periods of time. We'll be back before she even begins to suspect anything!"

Hundreds of miles away…

Samantha walked down the halls of the Slayer's Clan humming happily. She was a very pretty girl in her teens with long blond hair and piercing gray eyes. She was very slender and had fair white skin.

She spotted her best friend Freya walking down the hall, her face was buried in a book.

"Hey Freya!" Samantha called out to get her friend's attention. Freya looked up and nodded slightly to let Samantha know she was listening. "Have you seen Evra?"

Freya shook her head. "No. He, Darren, and Mr. Crepsley left a few days ago." She grinned. "Evra was muttering something about 'Getting away from the psycho bitch'."

Samantha's eyes narrowed in fury. Her gray eyes were blazing with anger. Freya shuddered. Though Samantha was usually a good person, but when she got mad my only advice would be to run for the hills…and keep running.

"EVRA VON!" Samantha screamed to no one. "WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU ARE, I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!" She turned and ran off in fury, slamming into several people on the way.

Freya smiled to herself. "Oh boy, is Evra going to get it." She sighed, "But I still can't believe he called her that." She shrugged and continued walking. Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks. "Or maybe it was Mr. Crepsley that called her that…"

Back at the hospital…

Evra shuddered.

"Why'd you shudder just now Evra?" Darren asked.

"I don't know." Evra whispered in terror. "But I think it's safe to say that somebody wants to kill me..."  
  
"I WANT TO KILL YOU!" Sam roared trying to stomp forward. Cronos and Tom seized his arms and held him back.

"SAM! NO!" Tom yelled.

"That's not insane jealousy way." Cronos scolded.

"You're right." Sam sighed. "I'll go get a soda from the pop machine. Then I'm getting the hell out of here. And I'm NEVER coming back!"

"WHY?!" Katie cried in anguish. Evra grinned and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"YES! GOOD! GO! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Carolyn struck Evra on the head with a random baseball bat. "Insensitive bastard..." She grumbled.

"I'll tell you why I'm leaving." Sam grumbled. "Because I just lost my girlfriend! THAT'S WHY!"

Katie's eyes started to water. "You didn't lose me." She squeaked.

"WHAT!" Evra and Sam both cried in surprise. She grinned and threw her arms around both of them. "I LOVE YOU BOTH!"

"Touching. It's a touching moment." Tom gagged.

"IT'S ALL SO SWEET!" Dr. Sloth bawled.

"Well. It looks like they're going to have to share her for now." Cronos said scratching his chin thoughtfully.

"OH JOY!" Carolyn yelled sarcastically. "A LOVE TRIANGLE! AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER TO DO THE FRICKIN STUNT!"

Both Sam and Alex breathed huge sigh of relief.

"I think this will prove to be a very strange experience for us all." Mr. Crepsley sighed.

"I think you're right." Carolyn agreed.


	11. Aw, poor Cronos

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Happy

Rant: I like this chapter. It was a lot of fun to write, I don't know why. I guess the idea of everyone flying into the ocean amused me. Evra is so much fun to write about. And it appears that Samantha is getting closer to finding Evra. What does she want with him? It's an extra-long chapter so enjoy! And Cronos gets his first romantic rival? (glee) It's my dream! Two cute boys fighting over me!

Don't look at me like that. I know I'm an egomaniac.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan.

* * *

The next day…

"Okay, Shooting Down Waterslides Take-Two." Carolyn grumbled as the shopping cart began to roll down the slide once again. The setup was the same as yesterday except now Evra was on Katie and Sam's team, (Carolyn thought a love-triangle would help the show), and there was now a vampire and a half-vampire working on the show as well.

Sam was not too happy with Carolyn's choice to allow Evra to stay on the show with them, but when Sam had said something less than nice about Carolyn, he'd faced Cronos's wrath, so he'd shut up.

Everyone screamed as they shot downhill. (everyone except Cronos, who was calmly meditating). Evra kept grabbing onto Katie in 'terror' only to be beaten away by Sam. Meanwhile, at the top of the hill, Tom accidentally leaned against the 'water on' switch for the waterslide. A huge torrent of water gushed after the three groups of teens.

"WATER!" Sam screamed in terror.

"This is just not my day." Cronos sighed opening his eyes.

Realizing that her 14-year-existance on this planet was about to be cut short, Carolyn screamed out her lines. "HI! MY NAME IS CAROLYN AND WELCOME TO 'BEHIND THE TERROR'!"

At that moment, everyone was launched skyward off the end of the tracks. They soared much higher then Carolyn had expected them to.

"OH GREAT!" Alex yelled as they continued to fly upward, "FIRST THE DRINKING-FOUNTAIN SQUIRTS ME, AND NOW THIS!"

The came down in a high arch. All of them were screaming at the top of their lungs.

"I'M A DEAD PILOT! I'M A DEAD PILOT!" Caitlin screamed in terror.

"THIS IS GREAT!" Carolyn shrieked with glee. "I HOPE BILLY'S GETTING ALL THIS!"

"Oh who cares?!" Sam yelled pointing at Evra, "I'm gonna die with this pervert!"

"I feel your pain man!" Cronos called. He pointed at Alex. "I'm gonna die with THAT pervert!"

Alex stopped screaming for a moment. "I resent that." He snapped. He then resumed screaming.

Seconds later, everyone hit the water.

Carolyn, Katie, Caitlin, Alex, and Sam were all decent swimmers, so they were able to climb back onto the beach with no trouble. Unfortunately Cronos hadn't gone swimming in awhile (he didn't need to. He could run faster than the human eye could trace, so he didn't see the need...what a moron) so he was a little rusty. Carolyn dove back into the water, and about five seconds later, she reemerged dragging Cronos behind. She lay him down in the sand. His head rested on her lap. He was coughing and gasping for air. Both of them were dripping wet. Finally, she got sick of his coughing and slapped him. His eyes cracked open. He spotted Carolyn and sat up slightly.

"C-Carolyn!" He sputtered. Their faces were so close they were practically touching.

"Yeah?" Carolyn asked. She was blushing slightly.

"Carolyn..." Cronos whispered softly. He was blushing a little too.

"Cronos..." She whispered back. Suddenly she remembered they were in plain view of everyone. She quickly bonked Cronos lightly on the head. "I mean, stop feeling me up you pervert!" She yelled trying to fool everyone. But she failed miserably. Both of Cronos's hands were far from any sensitive spot on her body.

"Carolyn, stop." Caitlin said smiling, "Your acting sucks."

"Hey where's perv-boy?" Carolyn asked changing the subject. Alex raised his hand. "I meant Evra, dumbass."

"Hey, look over there!" Cronos said pointing out towards the water. Everyone looked out just in time to see Evra thrashing in the water. He was screaming for help.

"HE CAN'T SWIM!" Katie screamed in horror.

"YES!" Sam cheered punching air. "THERE IS A GOD! AND HE JUST LIKES TO MESS WITH PEOPLE'S HEADS...A LOT!"

"EVRA! GRAB ONTO THIS!" Cronos shouted using his increased strength to lift a huge log over his head. He threw it with all his strength at Evra. Unfortunately he aimed TOO well. The log hit Evra squarely in the skull. For a moment, the snake-boy just froze and stopped screaming. Then he dropped below the water with a PLUNK.

"Great, I killed Evra." Cronos said sarcastically.

"You really are my best friend!" Sam sobbed happily patting Cronos on the back.

"Sam!" Katie wailed, "You have to go save him!"

"No, I'm sorry." Sam said calmly, "I made a silent vow to myself that I would never do anything that would even microscopically, unwittingly, and even slightly aid that idiot. I'm very sorry about Evra. He will be missed." Then he added under his breath, "Like throat cancer..."

"PWEEEZZZEEEE?" Katie asked. Her eyes were slowly filling with tears.

"No."  
  
Katie's eye narrowed. "Save Evie NOW, or I won't make-out with you for six months."

"FINE! GEEZ! RIGHT WHEN I WAS FINALLY HAPPY!" Sam shouted. He ran forward and dove headfirst into the water. At that moment, the rest of the cast and crew came running up to them.

"Thank God you guys are okay!" Lauren cried. Carl walked past her and placed a hand on Carolyn's head.

"I agree. We wouldn't want anything to happen to this young brain dripping with creative juices, now would we?" He said smiling sinisterly. Carolyn shuddered. Something told her there was evil behind that voice. It was a gut feeling she had, though her gut sometimes misled her when it came time to raid the fridge, she trusted it this time. And it said: "Stay away from, Carl unless you want to turn up dead, with your chest cavity stuffed with human skulls you beautiful, brilliant, rich, dumbass!"

"Hey," Darren asked, "Where's Evra?"

"And what about Sam?" Tom asked. Carolyn casually pointed towards the water.

"Let me guess." Mr. Crepsley grumbled, "Evra started drowning, and Katie guilt-tripped Sam into rescuing him."

"Good guess."

At that moment, Sam burst from the water. He was hauling Evra's unconscious form after him. He flung him onto the sand before he sank to his knees in exhaustion

Cronos put his ear on Evra's chest. "He's not breathing!" Cronos rolled his hand into a fist again. "Should I punch him again?"

"No!" Carolyn yelled. She grabbed onto his hand to stop him.

"Anyone know VCR?!" Katie cried frantically.

"CPR!" Everyone else screamed causing Katie fall over.

"Do you need CPR?" Katie asked Evra's lifeless body. To everyone's shock, he nodded. He was faking...again. "You sure?" Katie asked again. Evra nodded without opening his eyes. He then puckered his lips. Katie gulped nervously. Even SHE could tell he was faking it. Not wanting to be a part of Evra's sick ploy, she grabbed Sam by the back of the head and shoved his face down on Evra's. Evra's eyes snapped open. The two boys instantly stood up gagging and spitting. Sam was actually trying to induce vomiting.

"Well that was rip-off." Evra grumbled. Darren and Mr. Crepsley yanked him to the side.

"Serves you right you lousy two-timer!" Darren snapped.

"I have to agree!" Mr. Crepsley added, "What would Samantha say if she were here? You know her temper better than any of us, what would she do if she saw you hitting on another girl?! She would tear off every single scale on your body, just to watch you bleed!"

"Samantha won't do that, 'cause she's never gonna find out. She's miles away at the Slayer's Clan, totally absorbed in what's going on there. We'll be back before she even notices we're gone."

"We've been gone for six months, I think she's noticed by now." Darren said rolling his eyes. "She may have blond hair, but she's not dumb."

"Damn I was betting on that." Evra sighed snapping his finger in frustration. "Well don't forget Crepsley, it was YOUR fuggin' idea to leave in the first place. It's entirely your fault."  
  
"YOUR PERVERSION IS NOT MY FAULT!" He roared. "IF YOU WOULD JUST-"

"Gotta go." Evra said waltzing away, "Katie's calling me."

"...Either we're getting smarter, or he's getting dumber." Darren sighed.

Miles away...

Samantha held up a picture to the barkeeper. "Do you recognize this boy?"

He eyed it carefully. "Jeez, what the fug is up with his skin?! Looks like scales or somethin'..."

"Skin condition." Samantha said calmly sipping her beer. "Now have you seen him or not?"

"Yeah, I think I saw em'." He responded. "I think he was headed to 'The Island of Lost Souls' or somethin'."

"Thank you very much." Samantha said politely taking the picture from the man and putting it in her pocket. She got up to leave.

"How do you know the guy?" The man called after her.

"He's just an old friend I've been looking for." Samantha lied.

"Really? Then how come you've got a gun?" He pointed to a gun holster at her side. She sighed and tapped it.

"Alright. I confess. I've got a score to settle with him, and I plan to blow his head off as soon as I see him. Okay?"  
  
"Good luck with dat then." The man called. As Samantha left the bar, he mumbled, "Damn she was hot... Why are the hot ones always insane?"

And now, back to our heroes...

"Sam, are you okay?" Katie asked as Evra walked over to them.

"Why are you worried about him?" Evra asked. "I'M the one who nearly drowned just now."

"Because poor Sam here was forced to give you mouth to mouth." Carolyn grumbled. She was shivering (being sopping wet and all.). She sneezed. "Oh great, now I'm getting sick on top of it all!"

Darren handed her a towel. "Here, I grabbed this just in case someone needed it. I probably should've brought more, but it's too late for that now."

Carolyn smiled. "Aw, thanks Darren! You're so sweet!"

Darren blushed frantically and looked down at the ground. Carolyn was drying off her face so she didn't notice his eye pupils take on the shapes of hearts.

"I think I might like staying here after all." Darren said grinning stupidly as he walked away from Carolyn.

"Oh no, not you too!" Mr. Crepsley sighed. He rapped his knuckles against the back of Darren's skull, "Come on boy! Snap out of it!"

Cronos zipped forward and grabbed Darren by the arm. "Don't worry gramps! I'll snap him out of it!" He then dragged Darren off before Mr. Crepsley could respond to the insult.

"Listen here kid," Cronos growled to Darren, "We need to talk."

"About what?" Darren said frowning.

"About your little revelation of love for Carolyn!" Cronos snapped.

"Uh-huh." Darren said folding his arms, "And what have you got to do with it?"

Cronos glared at him. "Nothing." He snapped folding his arms and turning his back to him. "Just stay away from her, got it?"

Darren frowned again. Then his eyes widened. "Wait a minute... You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"What?!" Cronos shouted spinning around to face him again. "What a load of crap! She's just a really close friend of mine!"

"Alright listen," Darren said jabbing Cronos in the chest with his index finger, "We're gonna get to the bottom of this right now!"

Cronos grabbed him by the front of the shirt and lifted him off the ground. "GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT?! NOW LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE BASTARD! IF YOU THINK FOR ONE MINUTE-"

"CRONOS! STOP IT!" Carolyn screamed running over to them. She pried Darren free from Cronos's clutches. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Butt out," Cronos growled, "This is between me and Dracula Jr. here."

"Darren and his friends are guests here!" Carolyn yelled, "How dare you treat him like that!"

"But he-"

"No buts!" Carolyn snapped. She turned to everyone and started back towards the studio, "Come on everyone. When we all get back to the studio, you can all have cookies, except for Cronos."

"YAY!" Everyone cheered hurrying after her. Darren shot Cronos a dirty look and stomped off.

"Yeah, but he-" Cronos stammered. He realized Carolyn wasn't listening to him and sighed. "Damn. And I love cookies..." He sadly walked after his friends.


	12. Ouch Evra's gonna get it

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored

Rant: No rant for you today. I'm tired.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan.

* * *

A week later...

Carolyn and everyone burst into the cafeteria. Everyone was in high spirits. The first episode of 'Behind the Terror' had just been broadcast. It had been an instant success, and the footage of Carolyn chasing Cronos with a pitchfork had pushed the viewers just enough to make it the most popular show in the history of television.

"DRINKS ALL AROUND!" Cronos cheered.

"We can't." Carolyn responded, "All your army buddies polished it off, we'll have to drink soda until we get a new shipment. I'm sick of all that damn booze anyway."

"Whatever! Let's just drink something!"

So everyone sat down at the 'Main Character Table'. The 'Main Character Table' was a long wooden table with the head of the table against the stone wall. Everyone was laughing and drinking. Cronos shook his can of Coke and sprayed Carolyn in the face like it was Champagne. Her laughter told him she forgave him for threatening Darren last week. Cronos had managed to grab the seat next to Carolyn before Darren could. Darren was sitting across from them. He was staring death at Cronos.

Evra laughed and put his arm around Katie. "You know, nothing could ruin my mood today, absolutely nothing!"

Real Carolyn: (who happens to be the author) Whoops! He spoke way too soon!

At that moment, the wall at the head of the table exploded into rubble. When the dust cleared, there was a large hole in the wall. A 15-year-old girl was standing there in a kicking stance. It was obvious she was responsible for the shattered rock. She was extremely pretty. She had long blond hair and piercing gray eyes. She was wearing a white sleeveless top, baggy black jeans, white sneakers, and black fingerless gloves that went up to her elbows. At the sight of her, Evra's face paled a few shades and he ducked under the table.

"Sorry to disturb you." The girl said politely. She had a faint English accent. "But I'm looking for-" She spotted Darren and Mr. Crepsley, and her face brightened. "SHAN-CHAN! CREPSLEY! How ya doin'?"

"Fine Samantha, just fine." Mr. Crepsley said nodding.

"I've asked you a million times Sam," Darren grumbled, "Don't call me Shan-Chan."

"Anyway, if you guys are here, then where's Evra?" She asked. Both Darren and Mr. Crepsley reached under the table and pulled Evra out. Evra looked really pitiful. He smiled weakly at the girl.

"Oh, h-hey Samantha... I see you managed to track me down... How ya been?"

Samantha's eye narrowed at the sight of him. She jumped off the table and looked him in the eye. "First things first..." She snarled. She swung her right hand and struck him across the face. Evra staggered back in pain. "YOU ASSHOLE!" Samantha screamed, "HOW DARE YOU RUN OFF LIKE THAT! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A PSYCHO-BITCH! HOW DARE NOT EVEN HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO CALL ME!"

"Sammie..." Evra said softly, "Come on..."

"You run off without any warning, and then you insult me!" Samantha continued. "What the hell's the matter with you?! I should-"

Mr. Crepsley raised his hand. "Actually, I called you psycho-bitch. Not Evra. And it was my idea to leave, not his."

Samantha's look of rage faded. "Oh." She nodded towards Mr. Crepsley. "Well thank you for telling me the truth."  
  
"THAT'S IT?!" Evra screamed, "YOU BELIEVE HIM OVER ME?!"  
  
"Oh I know he dislikes me." Samantha said shrugging, "I don't care. I'm used to it. But it really hurt when I thought YOU said it, sweetie." She said smiling at Evra. Katie frowned. Had that girl just called Evra 'sweetie'? "And to think, I was planning to shoot you. I guess I can forgive you now." Samantha added, still smiling. With that, she grabbed Evra by the face and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"E-EVRA?!" Katie shrieked in horror. For a moment, time seemed to stop. Everyone could only stare at Evra and the new girl in shock. Katie looked like someone had just swung a heavy bag of bricks into her face. Finally the girl pulled away from Evra, smiling mysteriously.

"Uh..." Evra gulped.

"DAAAAAAAAAMN!" Everyone said at once. Katie stormed up to the new girl and glared at her.

"JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THAT YOU CAN COME IN HERE AND START KISSING EVRA?!" Katie screamed in her face.

Samantha looked stunned. "I'm Samantha Von Cray, and I'm Evra's girlfriend!"

"G-G-GIRLFRIEND?!" Katie shrieked. Evra looked extremely guilty and was now staring at the floor.

"That's right," Samantha said trying to sound polite, despite the fact she was being screamed at. "And who might you be?"

Katie pointed at herself. "I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND!"

And that's when the first few pieces of you-know-what, hit the fan.


	13. Ten points if you saw that coming!

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored

Rant: Ah, the villain is finally revealed in this chapter. There's so much symbolism when it comes to the bad guy. I'll explain it more in a later rant. (then there'll be more symbolism goodness!)

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan. (Samantha is my own original character though)

* * *

"EVRA!" Katie sobbed in fury; "I'LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE!" She ran out of the room bawling like a two-year-old.

"Katie! Wait!" Evra cried after her. " I can explain!"

"Yes, I think we'd all love a good explanation, Evra dearest." Samantha growled from behind him. Evra gulped and turned around. Samantha's eye pupils had transformed into flames, and there was a black miasma surrounding her.

"WOW! LOOK AT HER BATTLE AURA SPARK!" Cronos said in awe.

"This couldn't have turned out any better!" Sam said gleefully.

"How can you say that?!" Lauren cried. "Katie's crying!"

"Oh shit! You're right!" Sam bolted from the room to go comfort Katie.

"I'm still waiting for an explanation." Samantha snarled dangerously. She had her arms folded and was glaring angrily at Evra.

"Well Sam," Darren sighed, "It's all kinda complicated..."

"How many times must I ask you to call me by my full name?" Samantha sighed, "I'm Samantha, not Sam or Sammie."

"And how many times must I ask you to stop calling me Shan-Chan?" Darren retorted.

"Touché, Shan-Chan. Now tell me what's going on."

"Well, Katie's a fangirl of Evra's, and her boyfriend, Sam, is kinda sharing her with him. It's been going on for the last week or so."

"EVRA!" Samantha shouted, "This is the worst thing you've ever done!"

"Even worse than when he tried to feel you up when you first met?" Darren asked.

"This is the SECOND worst thing he's done!"

"Even worse than when he tried to kiss you while you were sleeping and you broke his jaw?" Mr. Crepsley asked.

"Okay, this is the THIRD worst thing he's ever done!"

"What about the time he-"

"THIS IS THE THIRD WORST THING HE'S EVER DONE!" Samantha shrieked interrupting her friends.

"Can you believe this?" Alex said to Cronos in shock.

"Yeah, I know!" Cronos said, agreeing with Alex for the first time in his life, "I knew Evra was a louse, but I never thought he'd pull something like THIS! Poor Katie!"

"Who cares about that?!" Alex cried. He pointed at Samantha, "I was talking about how HOT that girl is! She's gotta join the cast!"

"…You disgust me…" Cronos grumbled.

"I can hear you, you know!" Samantha called out.

"Well I have to agree with Cronos on this one." Carolyn sighed, "I can't believe Evra did this!"

"Well it wouldn't have happened if she wasn't an obsessive little fangirl!" Samantha argued.

Carolyn stared at her in shock. "Listen Samantha, I know that you're an original character that I created so I know you better than you know yourself. But despite your hard-ass attitude, you CANNOT accuse my friend of something like this! Evra hit on he-"

Evra clamped a hand on her mouth. "You can't tell her that I started this!" He hissed, "If you do, she WILL kill me!"

Carolyn glared at him. She may have disliked Evra, but she didn't want someone else's blood on her hands.

"Listen Sammie," Evra said sweetly, forgetting her dislike of nicknames, "I'm sorry about all this, but I really like working here on the studio. Darren too, so we don't want to go back to the Slayers Clan with you. Not yet anyway."

"Well then," Samantha said grinning, "Looks like I'm staying too!"

"WHAT!?" Carolyn screamed. "You can't just-"

"I need to keep an eye on Evra, so that girl doesn't pull anything!" Samantha said folding her arms.

"Carolyn, we might not have a choice," Cronos sighed, "According to our rules, we'll hire ANYONE as long as they can contribute something to the show."

"I guess…" Carolyn sighed. "Well, what kind of skills do you have?"

"Let's see…" Samantha said thinking hard. "Well, I'm a professional Vampire Hunter (but I only hunt evil ones), I'm an expert swordfighter, I'm part-witch, I can use spirit energy, I graduated from college at the age of 14, and I'm an excellent cook.

"Damn, that's impressive." Carolyn said in awe, "But I do feel kinda guilty hiring my best friend's love rival to further the plot of my story…but oh well! We might as well! Welcome to the team!" She stuck her hand out and Samantha shook it.

"Great!" She said smiling, "Oh, by the way, I'm a bit of an alcoholic, so can we have a drinking party? It's kinda what I do…"

"I like her!" Cronos said grinning.

"But we're out of booze!" Carolyn said.

Suddenly a random crewmember stuck his head in. "Hey Carolyn? The new shipment of beer is here!"

Carolyn sighed. "Oh great, more alcohol related jokes. Stupid plot-device…" 

Later that night, everyone was throwing a keg party in the cafeteria to celebrate Samantha joining the crew. Carolyn and Caitlin had finally talked a depressed Katie into coming. Katie was sitting at the table, sobbing hysterically, chugging beer, and hiccupping. When Evra tried to talk to her, Sam almost killed him.

Samantha seemed to fit right at home. She was singing drunkly. Fortunately, she had a good singing voice, so no one cared.

Carl was there as well, though he looked like he was NOT having a good time. He was standing in the corner, staring at everyone in disgust, and sipping ale.

"Carolyn," Caitlin slurred, "I don't like that Carl guy. Only a real weirdo doesn't get drunk at one of these parties. He's evil."

Carolyn rolled her eyes as Caitlin slumped to the floor. Caitlin thought EVERYTHING was evil. Whenever the friends went out walking, Caitlin would gesture towards the woods and exclaim: "The trees are evil!" And it always turned out that at least one of them actually WAS. But this time, Caitlin was too drunk to trust.

The drinking was so heavy, that even the most hardened drinkers of the group had lost consciousness. Soon, only Cronos, Carolyn, and Carl were still standing. Carolyn wasn't a heavy drinker and Carl had barely finished half his beer. But even poor Cronos was feeling tipsy.

"Cronos, are you losing your drinking skills?" Carolyn asked.

Cronos looked at her like she had just insulted him. "Heck no…" He gasped, "I think someone put sumtin in my booze… Goodnight mommy…" With those words, he passed out.

"He really doesn't know when to quit." Carl sighed. "Does he get drunk often?"

"If only you knew." Carolyn sighed as she lifted Cronos up onto her back, "At least he's not as fat as the LAST time I had to haul his drunk ass outta somewhere."

"Just leave him," Carl instructed, "I need to speak to you for a moment considering the show."

(Carl's true evil nature about to be revealed! RUN CAROLYN!)

"Sure thing." Carolyn said dropping Cronos to the floor. She followed Carl out into the hall.

(What a moron.)

"So what's this about?" Carolyn asked once they were outside the room. "If you need money, take it from my overseas bank account. It has enough money to keep the show running for over 50 years."

"It's about your ideas for the show." Carl stated.

"You don't like them?" Carolyn asked in shock, "But the audience loves it!"

"I know. It's all very funny, very original and creative." Carl stated, "That's why I need you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Or to put it simply, that's why I need your SOUL!" With those words, he spun around and placed his hand on her forehead. Carolyn felt a sting of pain, right before she dropped to the floor unconscious.


	14. Literally 'The Man'

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Bored

Rant: **THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY! **I am sorry to say that this piece of insanity will last for many, many, many, many, many, many, MANY more chapters. And here, Cal's backstory is finally revealed! I'm so smart. Cal is the embodiment of all that is evil in the world. He is quite literally 'The Man'.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan. (Samantha is my own original character though)

* * *

When Carolyn awoke later, she found herself, tied to a chair, in a damp stone room, that looked like something from the Tolkein universe. There was a single wooden door that appeared to be the only exit.

"Ow..." She moaned. She looked down at her binds. Her eyes widened with bewilderment. "Where am I?" She asked groggily.

"In my office." Carl's voice rang out. Carolyn jerked her head around. She spotted her employee emerging from the shadows.

"Why am I here?" Carolyn asked shakily.

"All will soon be revealed." Carl stated, "And since you've been such good sport by not cursing at me, I'll give you the 'James Bond Special' and tell you my evil plot, before I kill you."

"Kill me? But why-"

"If you'll excuse me," Carl said interrupting her, "But I'm going to take on my true form now. This disguise doesn't suit me at all."

With those words, Carl transformed. His short, sandy-blond hair grew into long silver hair. His brown eyes turned red, and his suit transformed into a long black cloak with a silver collar. He seemed to be oozing with a dark aura.

"Holy crud!" Carolyn said in shock, "YOU'RE A VILLAIN?!"

"Last time I checked, yes." Carl said calmly. "Carolyn, let me ask you something, do you remember the reason why channel 13 went up for sale?"

"Yeah, the guy who owned it killed all his employees and sucked their imagination dry." Carolyn stated. She shook her head. "He must've been one sick son-of-a-bitch. I mean, what kind of freak goes around draining people of creativity? A weird-ass-bastard, that's who! Do you know him?"

Carl's eye narrowed and he folded his arms. "You're looking at him."

Carolyn blinked at him in amazement. "Y-YOU?! YOU'RE CALVIN ROCKHEAD?!"

"The one and only." Cal said smiling, "I'm surprised you didn't figure it out. My fake name, Carl, is an anagram of Cal."  
  
Carolyn frowned. "Wait a minute! Carl is not an anagram of Cal!"

"I took the first letter of my last name and stuck it in my first name." Cal stated.

"Ah." Carolyn said nodding. "So, how come you wanted to work for my studio? It seems like an inappropriate setting for an ancient evil."

"Ancient?" Cal laughed, "You flatter me. I'm really a more recent vintage. You see I'm a vampire of sorts. But not the kind from those novels you read that have your boyfriend as the main character."

"Darren?" Carolyn said stunned, "Wait a minute; he's not my boyfriend! I mean, he's cute and all, and he seems really nice, but…"

Cal interrupted her with a wave of his hand. "It doesn't matter. The point is, unlike your friend, I am a special vampire that must feed off the imagination of people to survive."

"Just like big businesses!" Carolyn cried.

"That's right." Cal said smiling, "In fact, I do own a world-class-organization. Maybe you've heard of it, it's called, 'Zyndex'."

"Well if you're so powerful, then why do you need TV studios?"

"I knew that if I could just produce a TV show that was successful enough, I'd have enough creativity to keep me going forever. But unfortunately, the first version of channel 13 was a complete failure. The shows were bland and stupid. So I killed my employees, drained what I could from them, and took on my alter ego. I knew that if someone creative took over the studio and I joined them, I could use their soul and then I would never need to feast on anyone's spirit again. I would become all-powerful!"

"That would be me," Carolyn sighed, "Right?"

"Yes. You have the spirit of a writer. Your soul's life force is very strong. It is full of creativity and purity. And I am the very embodiment of all that is the opposite of that."

"I'm still a little confused." Carolyn said frowning.

"I'll give you an example then." Cal said, "Did you ever see the Disney version of 'Peter Pan'?"

"Yeah, I used to watch it all the time when I was a little kid."

"And did you ever see the sequel that came out last year?"  
  
"Yeah, it sucked. It was like it existed solely to make a quick buck."  
  
Cal beamed. "That's what I am! I feed off of pure good things just to make money! I don't care if it's bland and sucks people of their brains! I'm the one who turns characters from movies nobody likes into McDonald's happy meal toys! I'm the one who makes you pay 18.99 for a CD that cost a buck to make! I make crappy sequels to beloved Disney movies! I empty heads and fill landfills!"

Carolyn was amazed at the extent of Cal's power. "Then why do you need my soul?"  
  
"When I devour your soul, not only will I be gifted with unlimited power, but I will be able to manipulate your empty husk of a body. I will turn the show in a mind-numbing piece of trash that everybody hates, but will still watch out of a sense of loyalty to what it used to be. And as they watch, their souls will slowly be drained and transferred to me. More souls equal more power, ya dig?" He grinned. "Pity the poor humans, Carolyn. Imagination is the only real magic they have, and you're going to help me take it from them!"

"YOU CAN'T KILL ME!" Carolyn screamed, "I'M YOUR EMPLOYER!"

Cal held up the contract she had signed in chapter 4. "So sorry Carolyn, but this contract I tricked you into signing, allows me to do anything I want to you."

"…Shit." Carolyn swore.

"And don't count on your moronic friends to come save you. They're all passed out drunk. And I drugged that boy, Cronos so even HE can't stop me." Cal wiped a tear from his eye. "Sorry, I always get all choked up when I think about this plan. Ah well, now to commence with the killing."

He pulled out a dark wizard's staff and pointed it at her. He began to mumble in some language that Carolyn didn't understand. But she only understood English and SOME Japanese, so it could've been anything. She felt a sharp stabbing pain shoot through her body. She could she her body was now aglow with a strange misty substance that was being drawn into the staff. As more and more of it left her body, she felt weaker, and weaker. Finally, all of her soul had departed her body, and her head dropped.

And the light had gone from her eyes.

The End. (NOT!)

Carolyn: (runs in) HOLD UP! We are NOT ending the story like that!

Katie: Yeah, it bites!

Cal: Aw, come on!

Caitlin: You must be crazy if you think we're going to end it like THAT!

Carolyn: Hey! Let's do the Armageddon ending!

Katie: Yeah! That sounds good!

(Scene fades)

Cal wiped a tear from his eye. "Sorry, I always get all choked up when I think about this plan. Ah well, now to commence with the killing."

He pulled out a dark wizard's staff and pointed it at her. He began to mumble in some language that Carolyn didn't understand. But she only understood English and SOME Japanese, so it could've been anything.

And then, the universe exploded.

End

Carolyn: Nah that still sucked.

Katie: I got an idea! Let's not end the story! Let's continue it!

Carolyn: Okay! Sounds good!

Caitlin: I don't know guys, we've ripped off a lot of things, now we're blatantly ripping-off 'Wayne's World'. Do you think this is smart?

Carolyn: Quiet, or I won't tell you where I hid you sugar bag.

(Scene fades)

Little did Cal know, that while he'd been rambling on about his plan, Katie, Sam, Alex, Caitlin, Darren, Samantha, and Evra had all regained consciousness. They were all trying desperately to revive Cronos.

"So you can't find Carolyn anywhere?" Samantha asked as Katie shoved countless smelling salts up Cronos' nose.

"No. Carl's missing too." Alex sighed.

"I'm worried." Caitlin said frowning.

"Why?" Samantha said raising an eyebrow at her.

"Something's wrong with Carl." Caitlin explained. "He's got a secret, I'm sure of it. He's evil and I think Carolyn's in serious danger."

Upon hearing these words, Darren immediately got over his hangover and tore out of the room in the direction of Carl's office.

"Caitlin, you think EVERYTHING is evil." Sam sighed.

"Everything IS evil." She stated.

"And YOU'RE a paranoid, delusional, dipshit." Cronos snapped sitting up and yanking out the smelling salts. Katie, still on autopilot, tried to push some more up his nose, but he swatted her hand away. "STOP THAT!"

"Dude!" Sam yelled, "Carolyn's missing, you gotta go play hero!"

"Again?" Cronos whined. He stood up and sighed. "Fine. You guys stay here and guard my booze." He took off down the hall.

"Shouldn't we go help him or something?" Evra asked.

"No we shouldn't." Caitlin stated flatly.


	15. Kick Away the Pain

Carolyn's Comments:  
  
Mood: Happy

Rant: Yay! Two updates in two days! Behold my awesome update power! (bows) And let me just give you a preview of what shall come in the future of this fanfic.

-Cal shall return! (obviously)

-Samantha's backstory is revealed. (IT'S GOT BLOOD!)

-The gang gets lost at sea.

-The gang gets attacked by pirates. (You'll never guess who the captain is!)

-Samantha will duel the pirate captain.

-Obsessed fanboys and fangirls attack the studio.

-The gang goes to New York to invade Cal's company.

-A certain 'Homicidal Maniac' lends the gang a hand. (If you're clever and you read comics, you already know who he is)

-The boys get turned into plushies!

-The gang is framed for a crime and winds up on the run from the law.

-Two more characters from 'Cirque du Freak' join the cast!

-Carolyn and Cronos get kidnapped by vampires.

-And many MANY more plot twists shall follow!

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan. (Samantha is my own original character though)

* * *

Cronos found himself outside Carl's office. Darren was trying to knock the door down.

"STUPID WOOD!" The half-vampire yelled as he slammed into it with his shoulder. "BREAK DAMN YOU!"

"Move boy." Cronos said, suddenly in his 'heroic mode'. He drew a sword with a black blade and a red stripe down the center. The handle was blood red and had a crescent moon engraved in it.

"Will you stop referring to me as if I'm a child?" Darren snapped. "I'm 14 for crying out lou-"

He was interrupted when Cronos gave his sword a casual swing at the door. The wooden barrier shattered and fell to the floor in pieces. Darren could only stare openmouthed at the rubble.

"How did you-" He stammered.

"Little something I picked up on the road." Cronos said calmly stepping inside the door. "You coming or not?"

The two boys stepped into a large stone room. It was a wide, straight, hallway. There were torches lined up on both sides of a deep red rug that lead up to a large oak door at the end of the room. Spiders on the ceiling were spinning webs to form words such as 'World's Greatest Boss'. There was a large poster of a demon hanging from a telephone line. It read 'Hang in there, baby.'

"Darren?" Cronos asked, "It's obvious we're dealing with a madman."

"Can we just go?" Darren asked, eager to escape the room.

Cronos walked up to the door and lay his right hand on it. "Hmm… Even my blade can't carve through this door. It's sealed by magic. Well, time to go to Plan B." He slammed the palm of his hand against the door with all his strength. "KEYLESS ENTER!"

The door collapsed. The door opened to reveal Carl, pointing a wizard's staff at Carolyn. The villain and his captive both looked up at them. Carolyn's face lit up at the sight of them.

"You ever hear of KNOCKING?" Carl snapped. "I AM trying to kill someone in here."

"Sorry." Cronos said. He lifted up the door off the floor and shoved it back into place, sealing the four of them in the room.

"…Congrats dumbass." Darren snapped. "You just cut off our means of escape."

"What? No I didn-" Cronos then realized there were no more exits. "…Shit."

"Well, well." Cal stated calmly. "Wingus, and Dingus, come to save their love-interest. How cute… I think I'm going to hurl."

"Oh crap!" Carolyn thought. "Cronos and Darren are both literary figures! Cal feeds off people like them! They're gonna get hurt!" She then uttered the words that every heroine will say at some point in her career. "Guys! Just leave me here and save yourselves!"

"Trust me." Cronos said with an odd smile.

Carolyn looked up in the direction of Heaven and sighed. "Saints preserve us, we are SO gonna die…"

"Hang on, Carolyn!" Darren yelled running up to her. "I'll untie you!" He found the knot and set about trying to untie it. "Damn! This thing is impossible! The knot's covered with glue...or something."

"You're coming here, does nothing, except hand me two more souls to absorb." Cal said calmly.

"Shut your word-hole and let's fight!" Cronos yelled getting into a cheesy karate stance.

And so the two of them battled, on and on, for the next ten minutes… That we can't describe to you, because it would be too big and expensive for a cheap fanfic like this. But anyway, Cronos was badly wounded, and Cal was untouched.

"Shit!" Cronos yelled. "This is almost as painful as when I had to see 'Tomb Raider'!"

(Darren sitting at random set of drums makes rimshot sound).

"Cronos doesn't know how to fight someone like Cal!" Carolyn cried. "He's gonna be killed!" She thrashed with her bindings. "I've…got…to…get…loose!"

Suddenly the door fell down again. Standing there was Samantha, massaging her knuckles. It appeared that she had punched the door down.

"You're strength…it isn't human…" Alex said in shock as he stared at the broken fragments of a formerly working door.

"Hmm..." Samantha said casually glancing at her hand as Katie, Caitlin, Alex, Sam, and Evra rushed into the room. "I seem to have broken a nail..."

Katie's jaw dropped open at the sight of Cal. "WAITAMINUTE!" She screamed so fast it was all one word, "ISN'T THAT CARL?!"

"I TOLD YOU HE WAS EVIL!" Caitlin yelled as she and the others ran forward to free Carolyn.

"Yeah, yeah," Carolyn, who hated being proven wrong, grumbled, "You're very smart, SHADDUP."

"Guys, I can't get the ropes off her," Darren complained, "They won't budge!"

"Darren, why don't you slice through them with your fingernails?" Evra asked rolling his eyes, "You ARE a half-vampire after all."

"Oh...don't know why I didn't think of that sooner." With those words, he sliced through the binds that held Carolyn to the chair.

"Thanks!" She sighed pulling herself free and standing up. Suddenly Cronos skidded across the floor, after being flung backwards by a psychic attack.

"It is futile..." Cal hissed. "She will die here...and so shall yo-"

Before he could finish that sentence, however, Carolyn stomped right up to him, swung her foot, and kicked him in the shin...HARD!

"OW!" He wailed. "Hey knock it off! I-"

Wham! She kicked him again.

"Why are you KICKING ME?!" Cal screamed. He seemed like he was about to throw a fit, "You think you can get through life kicking peopl-"

Wham! Cronos joined in the fun and kicked him the stomach. The villain sank to his knees in pain.

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW! I'M SERIOUS!"

Wham! Darren ran up and kicked him in the chest. Cal fell to his side, moaning in pain.

"KICKFEST!" Katie cheered running towards them.

"HEY EVERYBODY!" Samantha shouted. "JOIN IN!"

The group of friends ran forward and began to kick the fallen villain. They ignored his cries of protest, and focused on striking vital organs. This went on for a full five minutes, until they got tired and stopped to catch their breaths.

Cal sprang to his feet and glared at Carolyn. "Mark my words girl, and mark them well! I have destroyed all my previous foes, I will destroy you!" He vanished in a flash of black light.

In about five minutes, Carolyn managed to summarize what happened, and what Cal's true origins were.

"Holy crap!" Caitlin exclaimed.

"I know." Carolyn said nodding, "It's horrifying!"

"No! I mean now that Carl's gone we need a new producer! Who are we gonna find that's willing to put up with us?!"

"We are so screwed!" Katie cried.

"Hey!" Carolyn yelled, "I've got an evil soul sucker out for my blood now! Doesn't anyone care about that?!"  
  
"How do we find a new producer anyway?!" Alex added, ignoring Carolyn.

"Let's look in the Yellow Pages!" Samantha shouted. She and everyone else hurried out, leaving a disgusted Carolyn behind.


	16. Halloween Hoopla Part 1

Carolyn's Comments:

Mood: Happy

Rant: Yes, I know Halloween was two months ago, but I really wanted to do this chapter. But I was stumped for ideas. I finally got one. This Halloween special will be a few chapters long, and will then be followed by a Christmas special. I'm no good with holiday chapters. I'm really not.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Cirque Du Freak' All the characters from that series are the property of the great Darren Shan. (Samantha is my own original character though) I also do not own 'The Matrix', 'Dracula', or 'Inu-yasha'.

* * *

Halloween Night...

Carolyn pulled up the strap of her dress that was slipping over her shoulder and sighed.

"Katie, these fake fangs are killing me!" Carolyn groaned poking her teeth with her index finger.

Katie was reapplying some of her white face makeup. "Aw come on! You look great as Mina! Besides, you knew you'd have to wear fangs to be her!"

Carolyn shrugged. "Well, she is my favorite character from 'Dracula'. But it feels like someone shoved a needle up into my gums!"

Carolyn was wearing a low-cut Victorian dress with a red and gold skirt over a black skirt. The bodice was black, with a small white tuft of fabric in the front. She had a spiked red heart necklace hanging from her neck, and two plastic fangs covered her canine teeth. She had applied a little white make-up to her face to make herself look paler.

Carolyn grinned and looked at herself in the mirror. "Do I look like Dracula just bit me, or what?"

Katie gave her a thumbs-up as she finished applying her make-up. Katie was going as a 'Little Dead Girl'. She was coated in white make-up and had applied black make-up around her eyes. She was wearing a white sweater, and a black skirt, and black boots.

"It could happen you know." Katie went on, "Cronos is going as Dracula after all."

Carolyn blushed under all the face makeup. "Really? Cronos?"

Katie's eyes sparkled. "Let's go down to the party. Your demonic lover awaits you, Mina."

Carolyn bopped her on the head. "Very funny."

Suddenly the door flew open and Caitlin strode in, followed by Alex. Alex looked disappointed. It was obvious he was hoping to come in while they were still changing into their costumes.

"You guys done yet?" Caitlin asked. She was wearing a black top and a short read shirt with fishnet tights. Her knees were covered by a pair of black boots. Two large red wings sprouted from the back of her shirt. Carolyn recognized the vixen costume Caitlin had picked out a few weeks ago.

"All set." Carolyn said smiling.

Caitlin grinned. "You look great, Carolyn. We're gonna have a hard time keeping Cronos from biting you."

Carolyn blushed again. "Oh shut up!"

Alex smiled. "I'm having a hard time keeping myself from doing it as well."

Alex was dressed in black Buddhist robes with sandals. He held a long staff in his hand. He was going as Miroku from the anime 'Inu-yasha'.

"Alex, a more suitable costume was never constructed." Carolyn laughed.

Alex shrugged. "I am what I am. And that's all that I am. Now shouldn't we go down to the party? It started awhile ago."

But as Carolyn started to walk past him, Alex made a motion like he was going to grope her butt. "HEY!" She screamed, spinning around to face him.

"I was only getting into character!" Alex protested.

"THIS ISN'T A PLAY!" Katie yelled.

"Caitlin, WHY is he your boyfriend again?" Carolyn hissed for the umpteenth time to Caitlin.

"He's fun to be with," Caitlin replied. "And we're so much alike. He flirts with every cute girl he sees, and I flirt with every cute guy I see. But other than that, we're pretty loyal to each other."

"And you bash his over the head with something hard until he stops."

"That too."

They headed down the stairs to the bottom floor. The party was down in the ballroom of the hotel section of the studio.

"We've gotta get an elevator!" Carolyn huffed as they trekked down the seemingly-infinite layers of floors.

Cronos spat out the mouthful of taffy and looked at it carefully. Yep, his fangs had come out again. Grumbling, he pulled the plastic teeth out and popped the candy back into his mouth. He waited until he swallowed it before replacing the fangs, sliding them over his canine teeth.

He straightened up and turned his attention away from the candy bowl. The party was in full swing, and Carolyn still wasn't there. Caitlin and Alex had gone up to get her nearly an hour ago.

"Idiots," Cronos mumbled bitterly. "I bet the stopped to make-out again."

"Great party, huh?"

Cronos turned around. Sam was standing there with his usual all-knowing smile. Sam was wearing a black T-shirt and black jeans and a spiked collar around his neck. He had fake blood painted on his face and there was a rubber axe buried in his head.

"What are you supposed to be?" Cronos sniggered.

"I'm an outcast student that was killed by jocks with axes." Sam said simply. He reached into the bowl and pulled out a candy bar. "Must be hell eating with the fangs, man."

"Yeah, well it's alright." Cronos said shrugging. He took a sip of punch. "You think Carolyn will like it?"

"I know she will," Sam said grinning, "She's going as Mina."

Cronos spat out the mouthful punch. It splashed Sam in the face.

"Ya know, it's a good thing this is the same color as blood or I'd have to kill you." Sam growled.

"Carolyn's going as Mina?!" Cronos exclaimed, "Dracula's Mina?!"

"Ah Cronos," Sam said clapping a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Another opportunity to create sexual tension between you and Carolyn. Will the fun never stop?"

"You shut up."

"Don't lose your nerve this time! Go for it!" Sam hissed.

"Go for what exactly?"

Both friends spun around. Darren was standing there dressed as Neo from 'The Matrix'. He was wearing all black clothing with a black trench-coat. He even had the black sunglasses.

"Good costume." Sam commented.

"Thanks. Now what were you guys talking about?"

Not wanting to discuss his plans with his only romantic rival, Cronos decided to change the subject. "Hey, you know what I like? Cheese!"

"Yeah, Cheddar's the best!" Darren said nodding in agreement. Sam slapped himself at the turn the conversation had taken.

"True. But American and Swiss will always be dear to my heart."

"You're damn right."

"You know what?" Sam said, "It doesn't matter which one of you Carolyn chooses. YOU'RE BOTH IDIOTS."

"You think I'm an idiot?" Darren laughed. "You should see Evra! He's going as a barrel of toxic waste!"

"This I gotta see." Sam said turning to go. He slammed into Alex, knocking him over.

"You okay?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine. In fact I prefer the view." Alex said throwing a glance up Caitlin's skirt, which earned him a boot in the face.

"DUMBASS." Darren said, coughing as he spoke to cover it up.

"You got that right." A familiar voice chuckled. Cronos looked up and dropped his cup of punch. It hit Alex dousing his face.

Carolyn was standing there, dressed as Mina, right down to the last detail. Cronos couldn't help but gawk. She looked gorgeous. Darren couldn't take his eyes off her either.

Cronos felt Sam elbow him in the ribs. Cronos quickly flashed a toothy grin. "Ah," He said in his best Romanian accent, "Miss Mina." He took her hand and kissed it, "How nice to see you."

Carolyn snickered but covered it up with an English accent. "Count Dracula, it is good to see you too."

"Alright, alright!" Darren snapped stepping between them and waving his arms. "Enough with that!"

Cronos laughed. "Don't get so uptight! We were just fooling around." Inside, however, Cronos was amazed that he'd had the guts to kiss Carolyn's hand.

Carolyn laughed as the stereo began to play 'Monster Mash'. "Dance with me?"

"Sure." Cronos said. As she seized his arm and dragged him out onto the dance floor, Cronos had the fleeting thought that this was going to be a long night.


End file.
